41 - Ready for it.

 Tempted to call in on the account that there is a few inches of snow outside after having a 60 degree day. It really did turn into something else yesterday. A complete shit show. I didn't go to Zumba. Someone left work with covid and just overall I do not want to go sit in a cold office and do nothing mood.  On a good not this morning though even though I hate it, it is beautiful. Also, Mama n Papa cardinal showed up.  Anyhoo - I might drop off the kiddo at school and see how it goes. It is leap day so I should enjoy it. If I call off work though - there is so much house work to do that I will not be able to relax. Tomorrow someone important is coming into the office and wasn't told who. So I took it upon myself to get those pictures up and clean the coffee pot because it was nasty. It was a disaster out last night so I do not feel bad about not going to Zumba other than the fact I didn't want to go.  Hoping this energy propels me into wanting to be fit is just not ...

 So maybe replacing meals with giant cookies isn't the best idea - eating two ice cream sandwiches in a row definitely not. I might of figured out why I am in such a I do not want to do anything funk. I mean PMS has initiated also so there is that. Also, I need to stop reading the news. Texas is on fire. People in a group that I thought was for happy posts are posting their tragic shit. I need a break from the outside world. So, on a mission to myself - I have once again deleted Facebook and will do my best not to get bored enough to add it back on.  I should be able to keep busy today. There are a couple things I need to do at work and the corrections for school. Also, my farming game. That is why I have indulged into the gaming. My Switch games are just not cutting it. They need to many bug fixes that they just aren't enjoyable and well good ol Animal Crossing only goes so far for entertainment. I did skip this journaling yesterday and that probably wasn't the best idea....

 All around - just from the weather to events - just weird. Then I think is it because I am back into the real world? The moon, planets and all of the above I assume. Where to start - no fucking idea. Work kind of sucked from just being alone in my office all day to really just not feeling it because the day started out beautiful - 60 & sunny. I even opened windows before I left for work. Then the other reason for that is because I think I was poisoning my kid. I am not even sure what made this thought go into my head, but it went and I think I was right. He has been fighting a fever and just not feeling 100%. Well I made him put a cat box in his room because honestly no idea where to put the 3rd. Well it did not get cleaned as normal because of this being forgotten and then yeah ammonia in cat piss. So, I think that is why he has been off. His room gets hot and super stuffy when the heat is on and the air in there was just bad. So, that was aired out today and the box has been...

 Well we are in for it and it is time to prepare. My way of preparing for these high energy phases lately is just trying to get rest. I did not get much of that yesterday, but I think I got enough. I have once again deleted social media apps in hopes of actually staying off of them.  Everyone is preparing for the upcoming eclipse because our area is the number one spot to view it. All I can think about is staying in my office until it is over as it is a work day and the energy is already ridiculous. I need to manage to rest more this upcoming month. My goal is earlier bedtime, earlier rise. One day I will make it to the 6am core & more class. After yesterday though, not so sure. I was fucking exhausted, but at least my body does not seem to be in that much pain.  Trying to figure out today though for when to have dinner and going to that boxing class seem like a plan. Maybe I can't to it all. For now, I will get through work and see how that goes.  I got out of b...

 And now I am beyond exhausted. Walked at the Y for a bit & did Zumba. I went down to the park to play some Pokemon. Bestie and her husband were out and I drove with them for about an hour. Then we all decided that we had shit to do. I also realized that we are all going different ways. They are about to be jeep people now. Going to those such events and other than Pokemon which we all barely play, there just isn't much we have in common. Being busy does not help, but I won't be mad if we fizzle out. I am also not going to be the only one putting in all of the effort on that one. And that is okay.  The boys are still at bowling so I have some quiet time. I cut up pineapples, bananas, then made smoothie bags for the freezer. I need some more fruit to freeze like raspberries, but good enough for now. I put the turkey in the crockpot and soon I will need to finish dinner. I made 8 containers of stir fry and the banana/oat muffins. ANNND I have to switch the laundry again. I a...

 The sun is out. Still pretty chilly, but this week shows some promising Spring time weather. If it is anything like other years lately, we will get a taste of it then cold. It will go back and forth until Summer arrives - I hate summers here. Always too humid when it is warm and/or just shitty out. Hoping this year will be different. Global warming or not, I want to be able to enjoy the outdoors.  Debating my day today. It might be nice enough to walk the track at the school for a bit or go to Zumba at the Y. I don't have much longer to debate. I have a little list of shit that needs to get done and they are time consuming, but not my whole day.  I went out by myself to play Pokemon yesterday and it was fun. Saw some old friends and maybe met a new one, but one of my comfort zones. I think I will go to Zumba, so I need to shower briefly to rinse off my tummy problems from yesterday. Every part of my being knowing what needs to be done, but some kind of funk holding me ba...

 Welp. Back to normal life. Vacation life is just what I needed to remind me how much I hate being here. Not so much my own little apt., but this city is just going to shit. Sitting on my couch now thinking about the new moon. I am manifesting enough money to save for our house and go on many more trips. Hello Full moon.  Also, glad we made it home before the full moon. An accident, and something else that seemed bad down the street. Already started here. I put my stones in the window to start getting some energy. I need to actually write out some manifesting and such with my new candle. I am excited about using that.  The trip was nice and my anxiety was only ridiculous when I was alone in the hotel room. I didn't even want to get out of the bed to pee. It was really silly, but I am not sure why it bothered me so much.  Not much else to say at the moment. 

 I think I have everything packed. Minus the phone charger and maybe a few more clothes. It is hard to pack when you haven't decided how long you will be gone for. Than again anything more than a couple days and I will be panicked about the kitties. I finally broke it down to the kiddo with math. 86 times 3 for a few hours of fun or maybe another day in Cleveland doing a few fun things. He went for it. Either way I hope we can have fun without him and Charlie butting heads too much. I know he probably gets upset that Cj won't be there, but one - he didn't ask him to come. It would of been nice. And two - the reason why he didn't ask is because he probably wouldn't of come.  I was thinking about this the other night. Kind of like my situation with Jasmine. He knows the deal and is old enough to make his own choices. Unfortunately, those choices are to not be apart of his 2nd family and it is what it is. No more tip toeing. On a good note, if my son calls him at 1 am ...

 So, quick moment because I refused to get up early than I wanted today. Go me. I have Zumba tonight for the first time in weeks. My body is still sore from the last one I did at home. Yes, I know. hydrate more. yada yada.  Work was steady yesterday, hoping for the same today. If not, I plan on working from home for my 3 hours tomorrow then ROAD TRIP!  Ryan decided he wanted to stay up until his dad woke up for work this morning so yeah at 4am he was told to go sleep. I was sleeping and Charlie thought I needed to be woken up to let me know he was still awake. I of course yelled then tell him to fucking go to bed. Seriously though. Did I need to be awake for that? Then asks me how I slept. I went to bed at 9 with him and couldn't fall asleep until close to midnight. Every time I was about to be asleep, a cat decided different.  So yeah stayed in bed until almost 8. Spring break for the kiddo so he can enjoy it. I will let him sleep. Tonight we will pack up for the tr...

 Feeling a little energetic this morning and gave myself some extra time to make crockpot dinner and do my hair. Watching the cotton candy skies while the sunrises, but I cannot find my fucking crockpot lid. For 30 mins now. My extra time was being wasted so decided to give up for a few and journal. My hair was wet when I went to sleep so That is going to take some time.  Last night I saw a big black cat on the camera. By the time I noticed it, the kitty was gone. I hadn't seen Lightning since I went to bed or maybe before so I panicked and I got up. He is here. Safe & sound. He is sitting close to me now. So, I think tonight I will leave food for the kitty. There aren't any missing of that description, but I will feed it.  Now I am up, not awake and pissed off. Probably more with the fact that I just don't wanna go to the office today, but the sun will be out all day - wait that is why. No windows and the sun will be out all day. I think I will work in the conference...

 I am getting better at making sure my days off do include some R&R. Yesterday was nice even though I think I pushed it a bit much yesterday. I decided to do the harder Zumba lady on an empty stomach and dehydrated. Everything hurts. If I do anything today, it will be low impact and lots of stretching. But first, coffee. The cats were relentless today and now I am up. For now. I may blog, have coffee and go back to sleep.  I have no work today and the kiddo is off of school ALL WEEK. I did not even know until like Thursday of last week, so that is how my planning is going lately. Not on the ball at all. We leave for Cleveland Thursday so only 2 days of work this week. Cake work. I will need to do school work though, so I will be working on some today, but not overdoing it. We have no classes in-person or on Zoom this week, so I should get a ton done.  Today though, I guess will be another relaxing day and maybe I will get some laundry done.  I tried a new recipe ...

 My Sunday has gone as planned so far and that is good. The wind and winter bullshit outside has me worried about the boys driving, but they will be gone all day. So, I went back to sleep after getting them out the door. Weird ass parallel world dream. As if things worked out for my kiddo's dad and me. I guess that outcome would of been nice to if he wasn't a cheating asshole who only cares about himself. Done sugar coating that one. But definitely has me a little shook. Ha. him trying to be sweet. Us watching the Superbowl at his Dad's - very weird. Seeing my kiddo get more angry every year just doesn't make it feel right, but I guess the what if would of been nice. Doesn't matter. I am where I need to be and that is all good with me.  We may not have a house, but we have built so much since getting together and I can provide for my kiddo without saying I am broke. That is all that matters to me and I do not care. My kids will have the love and comforts that I did ...

 I have been itching to get it down since I talked to my hubby about it, but it is out there now. Ready to be made, manifested, worked on, ect. Totally pumped and proud of myself at the moment. Other than making this plan something real. I worked out for 45 mins with Zumba, did my dumbbells and some yoga stretches. Took a shower and now I sit here about to do school work, but back to The Plan.  The plan is from here on out. To get through this NEDP program. Get my diploma. Sign up for paralegal courses in a certificate program. Once I have that, I think I am going to navigate to a degree of something else like social work or something along those lines. Even thinking about teaching adults like the programs I am in. We will see, but this is the route for now. I can get certified as a paralegal and with my experience, it is basically the same. Then I really will determine which bachelor degree I want. I am pretty sure it will be along the lines of the above mentioned or continua...

 So, yesterday the program officially started with a bunch of work to do. I only managed to get through 3 of 10. Next week there are no in person classes so I should get them all done throughout the week. They consist of work and then in office checks. My notebooks came in. But now not sure how to separate the subjects. Thought I would have Science, Math, Social Studies and Writing, but I started with Health. Guess that Falls in Science.  It is snowing pretty good out there. Hoping this is the last of this winter shit. Even though it was pretty mild, I am just done and ready to start having warm weather.  Hubby and I were kid free last night. We managed to have a shower together, massage and some boom boom. Then we both crashed out early. Not bad, we both needed the rest. Today is not packed with a lot which is nice because of the snow that is now coming down harder. We have to get the kiddo and then go to bowling. After that probably organize this house a little and I wi...

 Well winter is back and all of my motivation is gone. Even though I haven't really hibernated this winter, I am thinking this weekend might be a good time to do just that. Being cold all day long as the office really takes it out of me. Then last night we went out - to eat - again. UGH. We are not doing a good job at this shit. We are not supposed to be eating out or buying concert tickets and yet. Today, I will be doing just that. YOLO right? Hate how that justifies that, but also we did put more money away this time than usual, but mostly because we will need to pay taxes this year instead of get any back. The middle class really does get fucked. Not even going to get into that depression speech.  Work was finally sent to me so, this weekend will be nice to work on that and Sunday I will have some time to myself as the boys will be going to play pickleball. Good, I think the boys need a break from bowling.  Today at work, I plan on staying cozy and yep doing some more ...

 Yep, I pulled off the perfect romantic date night with hubby. The Bob Marley movie was good, but I felt like it could of had more context. Definitely enjoyable though with a lot of music. Then we grabbed a milkshake & went home. Bed by like 9 which was nice because I needed rest. We even got in a quickie, which was really nice. He liked my "mixed tape" playlist. All in all a good day. My coworkers even the bitchy ass one - liked my stress heart ball and of course chocolate for all.  Hoping today is a little bit busier than the last few days, but decided to read some guidelines and see about getting this program started. She needs to put in some work, I thought I did all of the assessments, but I missed some things as the arrows did not show on their tiny lap top. Make sure I use mine for the most part. Hoping that it is true and I can use my work lap top for work. I was told I can when I have down time which is most of my fucking day. I am okay with that.  It is fuck...

Celebrating? Why not? I am in love. Happy. Healthy. So fuck it. Plus a good movie came out today and I am taking my husband to go see it. Yesterday was a very long day. I worked with absolutely nothing to do all fucking day. Which was very nice because I had time to use my dumbbells every day - almost. I wrote a love letter to my hubby and made a playlist of 146 songs. Chosen just to show him how much I love him. I am romantic AF.  Then I went to the school. Did my "written" typed - essay which just needed the right amount of words - I do not think the words I wrote were graded. But immediately passed. Go me. So I am not in the program and can start doing the work. I did have to take some career driven assessments to find my "true calling" Turns out - social work is for me and maybe one day I will become a novelist. Journaling regularly has pointed out that I do love writing. So, yeah anyways now I can do this program and hopefully pass this shit soon to start my co...

 Back to the cold it seems for the week, possible snow. We will see. At least I can wear sweaters and my boots again.  After a long day of cooking ribs and shit - my husband didn't last through the first fucking quarter of the game. Just goes to show, he is over the Superbowl as much as I am. I tried to make it fun, but fuck it. The NFL is rigged and I do not think my hype will ever be as good as when the Eagles went and won. So, another chapter that should close instead of trying to keep open.  Concerts though. That may not be closed. Just need maybe be the old arena only people or make sure I have a seat people. That is okay, just more expensive. One of the shows hubby wanted to go to and would not stfu about - well it was going to be expensive. I got an email for buy one get one free tickets and so I got those and they were cheap, the seats are cheap, but we have seats and parking so it's a win to see a good show. Plus he backed down from one I did not want to go to. I...

 Sure sure today will be a day of all the things I have not done this weekend with a football game. Oh well, did not want to wake up any earlier. So, plan my week - start food prep for today and then the week. I've got this.  Going to look through this week at the Y and pretend that maybe, just maybe I will make it to one of these damn classes. Or at least make it there or do something. This is the week I start doing and stop planning. Right? I will do my best.  WELL - in my personal planner, it looks like I have already done the above. I do need to add in my hair appt and hope I can get color soon.  Okay so that part of my planning is done. What to do today? One day at a time right?  Finish coffee, get kiddo motivated for bowling, before that need to prep ribs and put them in oven. Debating on staying or going due to ribs being in oven. Maybe I will have hubby stay home. Nm his kiddo bowls today too.  Superbowl crack - looked decent - we shall see. That is...

 Still one more day, but I am "partied" out. The concert was okay. Had my fun and left early. Wanted a drink to be honest, but glad I decided I was tired and wanted to go home instead. Husband obliged. Friday we all went out to the casino buffet and I didn't overdo it, but I officially feel the pounds loading in after everything the last few days. Today was a magical day of going to do what I wanted to do for my bday which was a psychic fair. On the way there was a flock of Swans ! All in the marsh on a beautiful day. Those pictures will be a great memory. Then tons of new stones, but no readings. Other than the prices for one, I was not feeling drawn to anyone in particular. I did spend a lot of money and shopper remorse might be setting in.  Tuesday I get my hair cut and will discuss coloring. Hopefully that is not outrageous. My birthday month is always a splurge and did not contain myself. Other than eating like complete shit though. I feel it is complete. Meals plann...

 Happy birthday to me. Here it is, it is here. 41. Feeling like about 50 today with a migraine and a somewhat flow of what I guess is my period. Now fighting this thing all day - husband left me with no creamer and saying go grab you a coffee - not part of the routine asshole, but why not? I will have time if I make this quick. It is a beautiful day. Probably the first of any birthday's here in this shit ass state of Ny. So, that alone has me in a good mood.  My kiddo danced with me in the kitchen in a hug singing happy birthday to me. That will be the highlight of the whole fucking day. My daughter acknowledged me and sent 20 bucks so if I do not get my free lunch - I will treat myself. Not a bad start given the circumstances. I will stay hyped on Alieve if needed to keep it at bay.  I already warned my husband that I am not staying at the concert all night. I still would if I had a choice - not go. But I will go and enjoy the time with my hubby as we get so very little ...

 Couldn't spell it, but those were that was the word the instructor used when grading my tests last night. :) Woke up feeling pretty good, but also with a new sense of purpose. Thinking this is the true path. I am not uncomfortable when I am at this place which is how I feel 90% of the time so I feel this is what I am supposed to be doing. Less stress over health and fitness, even though I really need to stop slacking there. But thinking about this path and also thinking that this may lead to another path in my life. Teaching has always come up, but never really was that interested. Now I am wondering what kind of certifications do I need to teach for the GED? Wonder how long this curiosity will go, but it is leading somewhere.  Work - well it is not, but once I have my paralegal degree finished, it might. We shall see. Glad I got into this program though now I can use free time at work to continue.  The sunrise is looking might beautiful this morning and I am thankful th...

 It feels like another Monday. Low energy due to period and post covid. Wishing sleep was on the agenda because I barely got any last night. Not even because of Charlie's snoring. Just was not happening for me. Figures, I didn't even stay up scrolling. Weird ass dreams though. That was kind of a mix o everything. Flooding, runaway cows, some new people from class, and even old shit.  Another frosty morning. I was hot yesterday in my office. Not sure what that was all about. Hopefully not a fever because it was definitely cold in there. We will see today. Work and class. I am testing for this other program. I hope I can get in. If not, I have a back up plan and it is basically just self teaching at home more. No tutor. So, we will see which way I need to go. Baby steps.  Kiddo is back to school finally today and he is still in the damn shower. It is 730. Hope he dresses quick. I got dinner in the crockpot and won't be home until 7. So, one thing on my mind is Valentine's...

 Because that song will not stop in y head and for good reason I suppose. For the main line of " I get knocked down, but I get up again" "You're never gonna keep me down" or something close. Still not feeling like a complete human, but decided that I am not letting it take me over anymore. I will force myself out of this funk somehow.  Did taxes yesterday and being married is even more stupid than we thought. It just dicked us into a place where we owe money and will not be seeing a return. Then H&R Block had the audacity to say that will be $335 dollars. That took me way low. Now this funk. How do I get myself back up again? I know it could be worse, but I can also still be sad about it, but don't dwell? UGH. So far very frustrated and even more confused which way I want this year to go. Opportunity ? Trying to find it. Reasons to divorce - put this on the pro list. No bonus from Charlie's job and no taxes. Cool. Am I going to isolate? Yes. Do I car...

 Until my birthday, in quarantine until at least tomorrow - I am giving it up on Monday for the need of normalcy. Up early after passing out around 9 last night. Kid woke me up at 230 am and I have the right mind to wake his ass up now. But - then that starts dealing with him all day and I do not have the energy for that. Hubby is out the door already with a return of who knows. Cool. Getting used to this and I said as much after he said I was skinnier the other day when I was trying to be sexy this morning so yeah. Tell me when I am supposed to feel better about shit?  Should probably go back to sleep and start over I suppose.  Today's agenda. Some Yoga, gaming, reading, maybe a nap - putting clothes away and that's about it for the dungeon.  I am proud of myself for waking up earlier than my husband and remembering that it is not my responsibility to worry about him being late for his kid's match - so I went back to bed. I did feel guilty an hour later and woke him...

 Basically just left feeling a bunch of self-pity and loathing. Trying to get out of that funk. So, back to my February intentions to align with my goals this year. Working in January happened, but not I am less inclined to be around a bunch of fucking people. I do not want to keep getting sick. So, need to get of this funk and back on my shit. I refuse to let this year start to kick my ass.  Was going to do journal prompts, but just not feeling that lovely dovey shit. I haven't been able to sleep with my husband in a few nights and honestly, I am okay with it. Not like he gives two shits. Anyways. Me. Focus on me.  Today's goals were accomplished for the most part. This room I have been confined to is cleaner. Clothes put away and well I am tired. I opened windows and lit my candles. Trying to think of my intentions for the upcoming year and honestly. Just staying healthy at this point is it for me. I haven't been taking the best care of myself anyways. Eating like shit,...

 Today feels like Spring even though we are in mid-winter. Did some cleaning, but honestly my body hurts like hell. Sharp pains in various places to a point where I decided to take something. Covid better not ruin my fucking body. Still showing positive with an official, uncomfortable test and I am just trying not to be in the worst mood on the planet.  Went off on Charlie as he got pissy about having to pick up the kid's schoolwork and then he was going on about what he has to do this weekend. Nothing about what needs to be done around here or anything just everything HE needs to worry about. Fucking bottom of the list as usual.  A nap would probably be nice if I could get one, but today is a day of rituals for the mid-winter magical shit and I need some good juju around here.  The squirrel control seed seems to be working and at least one birdie has been by numerous times. So, one thing to be happy about. Now trying to figure out where I want food from when I am hu...

 Woke up after sleeping in for a bit. Managed to make a cup of coffee and put some things in the washer. Apparently that is enough for now as I keep getting these dizzy spells and they are not a good time.  Starting off February in a way I do not wish to end it. Lethargic and just kind of sad. A warning sign is being extremely sleepy and not being able to wake up so I am forcing myself to be awake. About to open some windows as it is 40 degrees and I think fresh air will do us some good.  One window at a time. Let me do that now. The wind is up so it should air out quickly.  So, today Feb 1st. one week before my 41st bday - a day of memory of a friend who died. But yet February is always one of my favorite months. Must be the Aquarius in me or whatever.  February is always when I feel like the new year starts. January is just a rough time and I never want to acknowledge it. I almost made it out okay.  Thankful though that I am not in a hospital with this sh...