Trying not to push too hard

 Woke up after sleeping in for a bit. Managed to make a cup of coffee and put some things in the washer. Apparently that is enough for now as I keep getting these dizzy spells and they are not a good time. 

Starting off February in a way I do not wish to end it. Lethargic and just kind of sad. A warning sign is being extremely sleepy and not being able to wake up so I am forcing myself to be awake. About to open some windows as it is 40 degrees and I think fresh air will do us some good. 

One window at a time. Let me do that now. The wind is up so it should air out quickly. 

So, today Feb 1st. one week before my 41st bday - a day of memory of a friend who died. But yet February is always one of my favorite months. Must be the Aquarius in me or whatever. 

February is always when I feel like the new year starts. January is just a rough time and I never want to acknowledge it. I almost made it out okay. 

Thankful though that I am not in a hospital with this shit and it seems to be getting better. I hope. I think I can tell my body how we are feeling vs it just giving up completely. Plus who knows what is my period coming at this point. 

So, today - I will do my best not to sleep that much and eat. I want to be able to cook dinner. I think for breakfast I will make a pineapple, banana, ginger smoothie. 

The kid is already up huffing and puffing about not having his phone and I do not give a shit. He will do school work or housework until school hours are over then maybe with little attitude I will give it back. Preteen is rough and I am not ready for 13. 

Time to open a window. Cannot stand the air in here. 

Already better. 

So, now I sit and rest. I really did need all of this rest. I can't remember my dreams, but I feel like they are clearing out things for me. So the deep sleep has been good. Definitely have been some sort of memories rather than dreams. 

I should probably clean my room too. There are more clothes I have not worn and could be thrown out. We will see after a smoothie. 

And it is raining so may have to close the damn fucking windows. UGH. Maybe I will go back to bed. 

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