Full-Moon Eclipse

 Well we are in for it and it is time to prepare. My way of preparing for these high energy phases lately is just trying to get rest. I did not get much of that yesterday, but I think I got enough. I have once again deleted social media apps in hopes of actually staying off of them. 

Everyone is preparing for the upcoming eclipse because our area is the number one spot to view it. All I can think about is staying in my office until it is over as it is a work day and the energy is already ridiculous. I need to manage to rest more this upcoming month. My goal is earlier bedtime, earlier rise. One day I will make it to the 6am core & more class. After yesterday though, not so sure. I was fucking exhausted, but at least my body does not seem to be in that much pain. 

Trying to figure out today though for when to have dinner and going to that boxing class seem like a plan. Maybe I can't to it all. For now, I will get through work and see how that goes. 

I got out of bed at 6:30, so that is a plus. The weather is supposed to break into something decent, but with rain & wind, so by the time we can enjoy outside it will be cold again. 

Thinking with my ears ringing every morning is starting to get annoying. Meh looked it up, more shit to worry about retraining my brain for and I just do not have time for that. 

This past full moon has really set intentions for being thankful for how far I have come. Yesterday, I did think about how I used to think I'd never even get this life I have now. A little family, a decent place to live with my own kitties. Food always on the table. A job I love & it pays well. I didn't even think I would make it to adulthood. Here I am though, thriving. Proud of myself :) 

I think I am most thankful for my mind here lately. As many times as we have fought each other in the past, I am thankful that I am still here and I am still alive. 

Now getting lessons learned onto my kiddos. That is a hard task. I have kind of been giving my daughter the treatment that she has given me by just not prioritizing our conversations or letting me in. Not really for any reason other than she is an adult now and if she chooses to communicate this way, I am not going to push being in her life. I have no right and if she wants me there, she will let me know. I remember asking for a set time at least once a month to catch up and what not, but was brushed off. So, fuck it. She knows I am here if she needs me and I have to be okay with her not needing me. 

This energy though is exhausting. Hopefully it launches into a better direction because my drive is slacking and I do not like it. I do think I need to take some time to just sleep on a few things. Mostly I want to pull out the energy for this weight loss and my mission to being a fit mom. My drive is not there, but it is all I can envision. So, I need to sort that out. Especially when I have the time to do it. Once I get done with these GED courses, I will be enrolling into college and I know it will be hard & more time consuming. Why do I have to pick one or the other? I need the energy to do it all! 

Weather pending, I am going to start clearing my gazebo for the Zen area I wanted outdoors last year. We didn't end up using the hot tub at all so that must go. I want to be able to go out there on decent morning or evenings because that might be warmer and meditate or do yoga. 

I am ready to start getting the yard cleared out. The only issue is that I did not want to spray last year because of the wildlife, but I want to be able to hang out there this year so we will need to spray. The invisible gnats and mosquitos eat me alive. Hopefully that won't mess with my birdie feeders, but maybe it will keep the squirrels at bay. 

Anyways, it is almost time to start this lovely Monday.