41 - Ready for it.

 Well today was a rough day not really health wise, I am beat and yes my chest hurts on one side, but mu kid. It is like oh hey - you have to stay home and he goes into vacation mode. He stayed up all night, slept until noon and just plain has been an asshole with his mouth all day. But nope - I go in and tell him it is bedtime and all hell breaks loose. So I took the phone. More hell. He is pissed, but really just because he feels fine doesn't mean he gets to treat this like a holiday. Maybe on Friday as he will not be going to bowling. Maybe depending on our tests on Friday.  I have witchy shit to do and cannot do it in good vibes while feeling like shit so hopefully this subsides soon. I hugged hubby tonight. Hopefully that isn't what gets him sick. We both decided that we could not sleep and met in the kitchen - unknowingly - and had an ice cream bar.  Oh yeah what started my son's nonsense was that we are supposed to be staying away from community items and I wanted ...

 First time for everything I suppose. Even though if this is how it feels, maybe I have not had it. Or maybe a few weeks ago when I was sick, I did. Who fucking knows. Yesterday was a blur of medicine and sleep. Today, not as bad but not good. I wished for a day to do nothing but sleep and well yep thanks universe for being so fucking rude. ANDDDD I have not even got a day to myself because the kiddo has it too. He is over the moon as he no longer feels like shit, but cannot attend school for the rest of the week. He doesn't know that part, but just knowing today was out made him smile. So, yep if I continue to feel this way the 5 days paid will be useful. When better I will need to disinfect this whole fucking place. I do not have the energy for it today, but hopefully hubby can start on the rooms I am avoiding as I am doing my best to isolate to this bedroom. He slept in the living room last night. I thought I would have a hard time sleeping, but the new medicine he got knocks me...

Not by choice, but instead of pushing the time on my alarm so I can try to sleep some more is not happening. How productive I will be is another story - perhaps for another day. At least there aren't any dirty dishes in the sink. Today will be a long day, but hopefully a busy one at work - pending I stay there all day.  My kiddo had a high fever yesterday. Could not get it down unless doped up on medicine. Hopefully he slept okay. I wanted him in my bed, but I guess he is too old for that now. He is going to be pretty pissed when I make him go to school and have the nurse send him home.  I have class tonight and tomorrow. Should be interesting enough. Then I am going to get into those other classes. I hope. I would really like to work on it with my downtime at work like planned, so hopefully the lady will get in tough with me today.  I think this week just being up this early will be my goal. Monday - Done.  I think I did extremely well yesterday. Got all of my shit ...

 Yep - back on that shit. My body is sore so from the amount of moving yesterday even though home all day did something? Maybe - this weather isn't helping, fucking cold and damp shit. Winters like this are getting annoying. Thank you global warming.  My kiddo has a small fever, sore throat, cough and now a sore body. I hope he doesn't have covid. In which - not why my body is actually sore. I made yesterday a day of rest with only grocery shopping and marinading tonight's food.  Trying to figure shit out for a good life is exhausting every day.  Grateful to be alive, have a roof over my head, groceries, my healthy kitties, and even though not a total day to myself - another day that I do not have to do a bunch of shit. Fuck it. I am doing my very best.  Another rainy shit day so no birdies will be around to find my newly moved feeder - squirrels would not leave it the fuck alone yesterday. Though when these are your only worries, I am thankful for that too....

 First full week in a bit and it has been a long one. This new planet set, full moon, January 55th shit has me exhausted. I feel like I am already failing this new year and not quite sure what I want to even do about it.  Yeah that may be my whole fucking issue. I do not feel like I want to do much about anything. I am just trying to make it through each day without feeling completely useless and well I know what I want, but have very little energy for it at the moment. Today feels a little better as it is Friday and I just need to get through the 7 hours of work, but then what will I have energy for?  My weight bench is sitting untouched, no videos have been watched in a few days. Working out at work well - I read my book. Hoping I feel energetic enough to go to Zumba, but not really feeling that either.  I fucking bought ice cream sandwiches last night and ate 3 of them. 3 OF THEM!! I did have a nice evening though. I got one of my bday gifts and even though I know...

 It went okay. The instructor was extremely distracted, but relatable and east enough to keep up with. I learned that they really aren't teaching you anything other than how to do the test which I should of known because that is NY's M.O. So, I do that then a Zoom on Mondays. I will see how that goes, but there is another option that counts the same and seems easier. Mostly because at this rate, I won't get it until next year and I really would like to start the college courses this yr. Preferably in Spring. So, this other program is online with a tutor. They did not grade my last test so I am not sure where I stand for that, but hopefully good enough to do that instead. 6 to 8 weeks sounds like my pace.  Fog, rain snow and just general yuck in store for the weather today. I would of liked to sleep in, but Miss Muffin was not having it. She is now content at my feet cleaning herself.  I was on the road to forgiveness with Charlie and then he forgot something we discussed ...

 Usual hype on a Monday - waking up and getting things done. I did some dumbbells - something is better than nothing. Before that I woke up at 430 am, caught my husband getting off and laid in bed wondering wtf is wrong with me until about 6am. That is when I decided to work out and that I am just going to worry about myself and whatever with him. Between that and the thing yesterday - I will let things fall as they are. Maybe we will meet back up. Either way we are married and not going anywhere - at the moment. It is a lot less "work" to get yourself off anyways. Even if you do it twice.  So, I did a quick dumbbell board I made and did last night. Not to much stress, but using heavier weights and I think between doing that in the morning, moving every hour (maybe grab my work dumbbells) and then a cardio/total body at night - I may be onto something. This is the new habit I am working on.  Got the stew ready for the day and picked out my outfit. I did this week's board ...

Ha. Well was typing a bunch of nonsense and then it erased. Probably for the best as it has been a good day and I was searching for a reason for it not to be I suppose.  Our boys bowled good today. We had a quick dinner and I have the rest of today to relax and prepare for the week.  I have do dumbbells today, but I am not sure. I feel like I pulled my titty and after being around people and out in the cold. I do not wanna. Some relaxing will be nice as this week will be the start of a new routine until I get my GED and then classes by Spring so - I should prepare for that.  So, today - relaxation. Watching football - hopefully the Bills can pull off a win and the Lions that I am watching now can beat the Bucks. Let's go! Otherwise I do not care who goes to the Superbowl.  I think I should read some of this book I got recently. I got it to read at work, but I have been figgin busy there lately. Probably will be super busy this week too. Mo money Mo responsibilities I...

 Yep way more motivated at home. I did a ton of shit today and managed a workout for 30 mins. Found a random video. Seems to be the easiest. Tomorrow, if I can find time - I will do some dumbbells. Depends on how early I can manage to wake up. We have a full day off bowling and then out to dinner. Maybe. We might need to get home for the big playoff game. Go Bills! As the Eagles blew it.  I am pretty tired, but waned to sit down with journaling. Hopefully I can fall asleep quickly. I have been trying to dream and remember them. I did my tarot pull for the week and well, it seems I am going the right way. It mentioned taking a class to lead me to my goals and well starting Tuesday I will be so - Go Me.  Age of Aquarius is in full swing. Weeee. Hoping to stay as motivated as I was today. I am ready to feel this shift. Hoping I am going in the right direction.  That is all though. I am tired. 

 My sign. My time. I am ready to shine. teehee. But for real. I just did my tarot reading and it was spot on with mentioning taking a class to reach my goals and my night classes start Tuesday so. Maybe, just maybe I am on the right track.  My husband woke me up with some boom boom so that was nice. I got a lot done, especially for the week like making ice cream and oats. Danced around so moved my body. Yes, that counts today. I was outside - it is fucking cold - so Niagara Falls ice pictures were not it. Way too damn cold.  I put $120 away in my cash funds, but need to pull 30 out to buy tickets I did not sell. Maybe I will win. Money comes to me easily. Money comes to me frequently.  Kind of want to work out, so I think I will come back to this later. I cleared my poo and I am getting back on track - hopefully with eating. I am just in the mood to dance. Hopefully I can find a good video. 

 Probably a perfect song for the current moment. When I get stuck in life, I also depend on music to guide me. My Spotify got compromised though so had to fix that first. Then took a bath to meditate and just try to calm. My fuckin ears have been ringing so much today. The signs are there, but digging more into this planetary change, I also got some guidance I needed.  Last year from March 2023 - to June 2023 - something was mentioned about what you were focused most then and let that be your guide into this huge energy change. Well I remember vividly because that is when I finally got into the health thing properly and such. Before that I let Charlie know that I was just not ready to go into the gym daily. Too many fucking people and it is just not for me. Yeah, yeah I know step out of the comfort zone, but really I can do it. Just need to do something every day.  So, my goal for this to really push myself is to get up super early and just find something to do for at lea...

 I know why - it is what I am eating and it has been total shit. I made cookies last night. Had a bunch of those. Made pasta had a bunch of that with a biscuit.  I gave into the tummy ache bullshit today from Ryan and stayed home too. Then I told Charlie to come hang with us, but he ruined that energy and is now at pickleball. He didn't want to be home relaxing having a sick day.  I tried to nap because this general feeling of yuck is just about enough. I do not want to go to Zumba due to the pure hatred of how many people will be there.  Already fucking up this new energy. Fucking scrolling all day. Eating like shit. And just generally being lazy. My mouth hurts and still haven't heard from Aspen and honestly just need to find somewhere else to do this work because they have been useless.  Actually not feeling extremely guilty about work today. So, there's a plus. I needed today off, but it probably would of best spent - alone. I need some quiet to align my int...

 Before trudging out in the fluffy snow, a quick moment to prepare for my day as I was a little lazy this morning. I chose sleep and actually was able to fall back to sleep. Hubby woke up "late" as his alarm didn't go off, so I did my good deed for the day. Not sure what happened there, but he made it on time for his regular schedule.  Trying to get the kid up after a snow day and not having another one though - well 23 mins later and he seems to be moving about.  I think our main office is open, but now that they know how to route calls to me, I do not think they will be changing it anytime soon so I may be fucked there. Oh well. If it is someone in N.F. I will send them to the other person that is supposed to do the same shit as me, but chooses not to. Hopefully it goes fast. I have Zumba tonight and it is much needed even if overcrowded as it is at the Y. Hubby will probably join me though because he will probably have to miss pickleball unless he gets no overtime once...

 Well I am super proud of myself - yesterday - I did a workout before bed and I really like it, but I got a horrible headache that I haven't been able to shake since. I did not make any excused though. Son, had a snow day, I should go into work anyways, my head hurts, it is shitty out. None of it. I went and took the test to find out where I stand for the GED and it took forever, but I did it. The lady who guided me today was okay, but basically said any homeschooling was useless and made me admit that I am uneducated. Still passed reading at a college level - Math was mostly guessing because I could not google answers so did not do that well. Either way - Tuesday nights will be for classes until I am ready to take it. Not sure how I did on the 2nd rounds of testing. We will see Tuesday.  My head hurts - now the kid wants me to make him a grilled cheese. Debated going to lunch, but the roads are not the best. Lightly snowing and Buffalo is still getting slammed. Ryan finally ...

 Surrounding areas including where Charlie is working today have advisories or bans. Snow is coming down 2 to 4 inches per hour and apparently all of Lockport City School district teachers live here in Lockport as they are the only school district NOT closed. So, debating on whether or not to send my kiddo to school. Yeah yeah we all toughed it out when we were young. Also, those were the worst days of my life that started my bad habit of not even walking in this shit and skipping so. One time I didn't want to go so bad that I stayed in our scary basement all day and snuck into the neighbors (duplex) apt to get some food because I knew they weren't home. Mind you I just hated going because well I hated myself and my life. But back to the day at hand. Wednesday.  Today I have a lot to do in office, but can probably do my afternoon from home after picking up the kiddo. So, he really won't have anything to complain about getting a ride to and from school. Now the amount of sub...

 Way too many people at the Y. But I did it. Will I be doing it again tomorrow? No. I had planned on it, but hubby is going to batting practice and I have a dinner idea I want to cook. The guys cooked tonight and it was really nice to not have to do that on top of all my anxiety for the day. Work started off a little hellish, but quieted down. Had to set a hard boundary and do not feel bad about it. Also, finally asked Jasmine what her plan was for her upcoming move and it is not NY. Which I mostly expected, but the fact that she didn't bother to tell me kind of stings. I have other opinions on that, but I will keep those to myself as it really is none of my business. So, a lot to be proud of myself about today.  I even made some time to do the puzzle with Charlie. Whom was thinking I was bad at puzzles and did not really want to do it. Well, I was in the mood tonight and we got a lot done. It was nice.  The winter storm is coming back again for everyone, but our area. Ki...

 I prefer snow days on actual days off because then there is absolutely no guilt about doing something all day. If this were a work day, I would feel obliged to stay busy instead of going about my day off duties care free. Hubby has been up since 6 and is going through his closet. Again.  My plan is to do as little as possible with a workout at some point. Cardio. I did manage to get off my ass for a short whole body video yesterday. I am out of fucking shape. Mind you there were a lot of squats and things that my knee just was not having.  Now onto my one stress for today, but my hubby decided that I shouldn't of told the landlord it is her problem to have the driveway cleared because she started shit with the neighbors by not paying them their bullshit amount owed after they "did a bunch of work" to it and then sued her for half. Now only part of the driveway is plowed and we are until about 2 feet of snow. Getting someone here is more than the $50 off from rent for us ...

 Good ol Buffalo NY will get slammed way more than where I am, but the wind has kicked in and we are in for a shit show. My nerves are always wicked when it is about to storm especially if I think it will be bad.  We need flashlights. Luckily the place is heavily equipped with blankets so should be warm enough without power. I think it will be good to be forced into a relaxing day. I did some dumbbells yesterday and my arms are sore as fuck, but I will be making time to do that again. My weight without clothes on is kind of high, but I look great so. Maybe I shouldn't start weighing myself again. Measurements tomorrow and then weekly. Trying to tone out all this left over skin.  Oops forgot to finish. 

 Well yesterday wasn't as bad as I thought, but I still need a treatment plan or in better words payment plan. My insurance was not cooperating during my visit so they did not have a chance to "sell" me. I did leave though thinking that if I get this done that there is hope for my teeth. So, feeling better today, just tired because apparently I wake up at 5am now and cannot go back to sleep. I will take it as long as I do not wake up in the middle of the night. For the first time in a long time, that was last night.  Starting Friday off nice with a cup of coffee and this. Debating my wardrobe as the office should technically be closed today. I will be busy also so that is nice. A quick workday will be nice to head into the long weekend with. Yep, Monday off. I do plan on using that time wisely and trying a new class at the Y.  Tonight I will be going to walk for a bit. No Zumba is okay, I need to look into other things and do other things anyways Especially to fill my wee...

 Just needed some quiet time to sit and decompress today as it was a high anxiety day. From higher ups being in the office talking about their high school shit to being poked in a dental chair. So, fucking scared was I. The work hasn't been done, but baby step 1 completed. I went and got the initial exam done to determine how bad my gums are. Not severe, but not great. Treatable. Apparently my HRS does not cover the work so I will probably need to go into a payment plan. Deep cleanings every 3 months so far. No cavities which is good. My mouth is completely sore, but my nerves are finally coming down, for now. Work was okay, but I did forget to do an important task. Definitely need to take some time and do it tomorrow. It is on the todo list. Now trying to get some quiet time in the dark to do some new moon shit. That may need to happen later.  Speaking of New Moon shit. The universe and all of it's beautiful miracles is already showing positive signs for my intentions this ye...

 Or so  am working on it.  Yesterday I managed to set an appointment to see where I am at for school testing. And called to go over info for my dentist appointment today. Baby steps that I needed to take this week. Now to force myself through his appointment and get all the bad news about my gums. It is just the initial so it should be okay.  Today, thinking about the new moon on the way. Our higher ups will be in and I am hoping this day goes smoothly. I have rearranged to bring new energy in and it should be working. The blizzard blast may keep them at bay today, we shall see. Grateful for my short drive.  I am aligned with the universe. I break free from limitations. I release what no longer serves me. On repeat all day.  I send gratitude to every cell of my body. I invite wealth, order, and prosperity into my life.  I am effortlessly attracting health, wealth, happiness and love.  My health is at the best it has ever been. I feel great other t...

 So with some alone time and ready for work because I left my lunch bag, I decided to look into this Dark Moon business. It happens before the New Moon to so you can release things and prepare for the New Moon intentions. As I look into the journal I bought there really isn't much to write anything, so I will do it here as it requires alone time and that I will not have later. I will try though because I do have a list to burn. Wind pending, I may go do that part outside.  Anyways - Something to keep in mind when thinking of the things I am releasing. Such as all bad from last year that I am holding onto in fear of what is to come. This negative uncomfortable feeling. I just want to release that and move into this next phase of my transformation. I do feel like a new me and no not all of my goals were met last year, but I have them set for this year and the tasks are not that hard as long as I can get into a fucking routine. Winter is hard. Releasing that mindset.  Transf...

 So, this is my first winter going to the office on a daily basis in 4 years. This is the first real shit day of weather we have had. Woke up debating calling in. then remembered that I am grateful to have this job, grateful that we have not lost power and still wondering why the fuck there was not a "snow day" There is not snow maybe?  Either way I do enjoy when the weather matches my mood. So, thinking about that just going to suck it up and get out there into it.  Work will not suck. I do not know why I have been so fucking bitchy about it lately. Probably absorbed all the other bullshit negativity in the office. That is my only thought. So, back to trying to get that out of there. My job is easy as fuck and I get paid pretty well. About to be paid even better for it, so I need to stop absorbing other peoples shit and take care of mine. On a good note - if the weather keeps up after school activities will be canceled. Even though that is my excuse to bail early and fin...

 At the same time I need it to function properly. My mind is running this morning mostly on myself and lack of motivation lately. Even my tarot cards are telling me to get it together. Starting the new new every fucking year on your period after hell pms - a retrograde, full moon and every fucking thing else is hell. Trying to snap into a better mood - well it just ain't for me at the moment. I am hella stressed about upcoming weather. As usual it is up to me to get the kiddo from school if it is super shitty out. Life of a single mom am I right? Oh wait. I am not a single mom. Or am I ? I can never fucking figure it out because my husband is completely useless unless it fits into his wants or needs. Married though so stuck there. Next issue? Random attacks, explosions and threats, but no one wants to talk about them. It happens then poof, it is like it never happened. That is getting annoying because conspiracy or not. Something is going on and no one fucking cares. Then I remind ...

 Still giving into my period, I just don't have the Monday motivation that I have had. But determined not to let it kick my ass anymore. So, I am up. Tarot has been read in which was exactly that - stop getting in my own way. 8 of Swords. Not a fan of swords, but seem to be my theme this week so I need to suck it up and get on with my week. Slight headache, back pain, some dread of how the work day will go.  I think I am dreading going to the courthouse to pick up papers. Why they decided a Legal Assistant should be doing this is beyond me and well my duties I believe. So, debating saying something in our meeting. Like what should my boundaries be? Or do I do the task and prepare for more like it? It does seem like this is a task of convenance. Also though, it is going to the exact place I need to if I wanted to draw more papers up for child support and change things around. Do I start that war? Was this a sign to go there and do it? Because if not forced to go, would I? I hav...

 This week will prove to need a lot of both. Pushing myself into getting prepared to go back to school and also some much needed dental work needs to be addressed. Think it is the underlining of anxiety that has me bedridden trying to hide from the world.  I will need to pull a lot from inside this week. Starting today. Confirmed my appointment and looked into their gum disease info. I will need to get this done especially if I do not want my teeth falling out. Wanting to cry now though as it may be too late. Deep breath: this needs to be done.  Otherwise my week I should just live in what I have sowed. Like really enjoy it. I made this happen. The universe has given me an amazing opportunity at work and I really need to dig in and see what I am capable of there. I cannot get annoyed with the work load. This is what I have been trained and preparing for. I am capable of the tasks at hand and I do not hate it, so why bitch? The Zen Den is happening I need to continue my po...

 Other than the hunger shakes, cramps, tiredness - this is probably what I needed. Some time to myself with no one around.  No Zumba today, but am I failing? No, my goals are set. I needed to rest. My body aches and just wants to rest and reset. So, it was about time to give in. Even Charlie said do so this morning. Going to Zumba while in pain, blood gushing out of me, yes gushing, while basically wearing a diaper that you can hear every time I move - yeah it was a good day to have a good day to myself.  So, today - I slept until 10 - thinking about sleeping more, but also want to be able to sleep tonight. Watched a new episode of my show. Took a long shower trying to fight of some random anxiety - okay probably from not doing anything today - and having a yummy frozen pineapple, banana, vanilla protein smoothie.  Now what? Well considering today is the day I should plan out my week. I did set out the menu - need to put it on the board, but once I do that I will fee...

 It seems following my Moon cycles will ask me to dig into another sign that is apart of me. Turns out, it is Scorpio. My most "hated" sign. Which now makes complete sense. Following this moon guide will hopefully help me dig into my spirituality in a way that I have been trying to for a little bit. While helping me stay with my health and fitness goals and my career goals. Seems like this Moonology book will help me do just that.  My first bit of letting go for the upcoming new Moon will be to let go of 2023. I keep getting glimpses of how hard it was, and it surfaces with memories. So, to prepare. I need to let go of 2023 and all of the hardships as the major one is making me scared to settle into this new path and job I have. I am afraid to get comfortable because well last time I did, I had my whole world pulled from underneath me. And even though I know this is the path I want to be on, I am unsure if this is the correct path. Letting go of my fears of starting over in t...

 Okay some planning has been done for the week ahead and money into savings. I guess we are doing okay. Just hate the new year must do this now that it is the new year shit.  I am supposed to b following the moon or whatever - so I really should be doing that journal. Randomly though the other day when trying to figure out shit, I decided to make an appoint for the dentist. My bottom gums are pretty much gone and my teeth are showing a lot. It is time to figure that out, but it may be too late for the surgery they wanted to do. Hoping something can be figure out to not have my teeth pulled and dentures put in. Also, trying not to panic too early. The dentist though gives me probably the worst anxiety of everything I am anxious about times 2. Thursday.  Today - today I will worry about these period cramps, back pain and overall tiredness from the week, my period and the weather.  I am going to move my work out shit back to the living room because it has become useless...

 For no reason other than the cats were determined to get us up. Now I am half awake drinking coffee wondering if I will feel like I did yesterday. I ended up leaving work because I was hit with just utter tiredness, my face feels wind burnt and just was not feeling it.  Worked from home for a bit, napped, and my nose is still clogged. Period Flu. Seems to be my new getting older thing and I hate it. Now to do what I want to do or what I need to do? That is the question. I should of listened yesterday because work was a little bit of hell. On a good note - the numbers are real and I get a step up from what I thought. Confirmed and now I am back to the money I was making at M&T.  Today - we must grocery shop. I for one have been avoiding it all week for many reasons, but mainly I do not want to spend the extreme amount of money. Groceries are so high, but needing to get back on track is more important. The belly is saggy - hoping that is more period bullshit and it wil...

 So, in a meh mood this morning and I will just blame it on eating like shit still, some money stress and overall PMS. Usually it is worse, but just a blah feeling I cannot shake. Worried about my teeth and my upcoming appointment not even until next Thursday, but yeah any extra money will now probably be for that shit and it is making me depressed.  Court went to be expected with less $$ going out, but still enough to bring us back to reality. So, stressed what do we do? Out to our favorite place to eat. So, beating myself up for not being consistent on this bullshit new year stuff.  Trying to keep in mind that I am really only to be taking shit one day at a time and honestly I have. There is just not enough time in a day to get all the shit done and I need to be okay with that. So, grocery shopping still on the list of To-Do. Floors still on the To-Do. And I guess that is about it. Really hoping that shit this shit mood subsides before work. I woke up with a stomach ach...

 Sometimes now matter how much you plan, you just cannot do it all. That is what I determined yesterday after a full day of work, Zumba, dinner, running to practice, ect. Got to grocery shopping and I did not even make a list. Was to exhausted to go. Feels like winter is making a come back, or start or whatever. It also is not giving up. So the cold is kicking my ass. Everything hurts. Zumba kicked my ass a little too. I am still eating like somewhat shit. I did super good then - helping Charlie with his court papers - decided I needed a big bowl of rice crispies. Sugar and all. Whole milk not almond milk. I swear I woke up 3 sizes bigger.  My period is coming also, so yay. My eating habits really don't care when that is coming. So yeah - not getting it all done and already failing my new year plans. Or am I ? I think this year was to continue doing the good things in which or the most part I am and not to kick myself if I get down. Self Sabotage my number one vice.  So t...

 Sitting here after eating snacks, dinner and banana pudding. Worked all day - slow as fuck day, got the kid to practice, went back to work for an hour then came home to cook, do dishes, and yep - today is laundry day and I do not want to fucking do it. I still have to muster up for a workout - 20 mins. That is it. I can do it. Journaling which I am doing now because this morning was impossible and now to fit in a moment to suck my husband's dick because I made a deal.  That is how much I hate fucking laundry. Especially clothes that do not fit properly - too big or tight - never a happy fucking medium. Decompressing my day wishing I could fucking poop.  Work went by slow as molasses, but wasn't terrible. Enough to keep me mostly busy. Only a few of us were in today, so it made my non social mood feel better. Everyone just seems so miserable though. It is annoying. We will see when there's more people in tomorrow. Either way this project is keeping me occupied good. I was...

 Last year's blogs I actually thought people read them so I held names and such - this year - nah. I am ready for 2024 and will go back to speaking my mind, but with maybe some love and care. My thoughts will be authentic and so will be whatever the fuck I have to say.  I worked my ass off last year following a fitness journey, but little did I know - it would be my whole life. Mental health at the top for once. Thinking clearly in my old age, feeling healthier than I have ever been and all I had to do was change my eating habits, get off my ass more than once a day and think before I speak. Oh yeah and stop drinking. I think that was the easiest part though.  One last day off before I got back to work after a week off was fucking magical. Being able to decompress after the holiday bullshit is a blessing. With retrograde, a full moon and the normal why is this my life shit, it was a bit much. Still grateful that I have this amazing job and eager to get back to work and co...