First Class

 It went okay. The instructor was extremely distracted, but relatable and east enough to keep up with. I learned that they really aren't teaching you anything other than how to do the test which I should of known because that is NY's M.O. So, I do that then a Zoom on Mondays. I will see how that goes, but there is another option that counts the same and seems easier. Mostly because at this rate, I won't get it until next year and I really would like to start the college courses this yr. Preferably in Spring. So, this other program is online with a tutor. They did not grade my last test so I am not sure where I stand for that, but hopefully good enough to do that instead. 6 to 8 weeks sounds like my pace. 

Fog, rain snow and just general yuck in store for the weather today. I would of liked to sleep in, but Miss Muffin was not having it. She is now content at my feet cleaning herself. 

I was on the road to forgiveness with Charlie and then he forgot something we discussed the day before. Triggered me back into - why the fuck am I still with this guy? Something crazy happened at his work yesterday and all he kept doing was repeating the events like I didn't listen the first time instead of telling me wtf was really going on in his head about it. THAT - That is why I am so fucking annoyed with him. Then I know and console him anyways. I however never get that in return. Everything is just supposed to have no feeling with him and well - that is not me. I need reassurance, comfort and general hey "you're important to me" shit. Just getting upset again because no mater how many times I say it out loud, it will never happen for me. At first I thought maybe it is me. But you know what - it isn't. My feelings are valid. 

I think tonight when I get home will be a good night to just lay in bed and read my book. Or heck even start it at work as now I am all caught up with nothing to do. Once I can do these online classes though I can bring in this lap top and work. Trying not to mention it much though other than the obvious reasons, but once they realize what I am going for, I do not want them to push me into a position there. I do not think I want to be a paralegal at this place. We will see though. I had dreams/thoughts that I ended up being one of the teachers at this place. I do wonder how hard it is to certify. Probably need kids to pass and enjoy my teaching methods and not sure I want to do that. The one lady said she was there since July. Well either way I am working towards it, so I shouldn't be focused on how long it takes. 

I did set an appointment next week to have my hair done. Going back to the black/purple. She mentioned lightning it, but I want it dark. I hope I am not disappointed because had to grovel a little to go back. Then my bday is in two weeks. 41. Here I come. 

I managed to do some dumbbells at work yesterday. Tonight I will try to do a full body. Was thinking of going to the Y to walk too. We will see. I am pretty tired. Waking up early sucks. I had 3 fucking coffees yesterday. I do not think I have ever had that many in a day. Today I will do green tea in there instead. 

Today I have to get the kiddo to practice so working earlier, it isn't that bad. Just hope the roads aren't still complete shit. 

Today I will focus on some of the books in my bag when I have downtime at work. That way I can get more. My Pinterest list is adding up. I think there are some good ones in there. 

But yeah I am proud of me for speaking up and saying I want my hair done with my raise and extra money of back pay. He was kind of shitty about it, but I haven't even spent my $50 allowance these last couple weeks, but I assure you that he has went over his limit for his bullshit. I chalked it up to an early Valentines day gift for him, but really just him being spoiled and doing whatever the fuck he wants. As always. Honestly I do not think we will make it to buying a house. So fuck it. Spend it. Jk not going to happen, but that is my mood. The good ol planets are pulling me all over the place and I just want to rest, but can't. It is stupid lol 

I called Aspen one last time yesterday with no reply so I need to find another place to go. I dunno I guess that is on the side burner for now. I tried to look for another place, but honestly I was comfortable there. Everyone was nice. So, I did contact HR to find out wtf is going on and also I can use Charlie's insurance as I am still on the dental and vision. Been debating on whether or not to make an appointment for that. I might go to an actual eye doctor though because I am pretty sure wearing glasses should not make me dizzy. The joys of getting older. 

So, today I am going to focus on some self care. Get through work, come home - pick up my bedroom, read my book or do a workbook and go to bed hella early. That sounds like a great plan. Especially after a long day yesterday I came home to dinner not being finished so had to wait to eat and it was already 7pm. I went to the bathroom and my son pissed on the floor, did not flush or fucking clean up his mess. So pissed. So fuck them. Tonight will be about me. I just need to stay focused on that. I am growing and my husband is not. It will fade as it should or he will catch up. right? 

It is almost time to wake up the kiddo, so I am going to enjoy these last sips of coffee then start getting ready myself.