Welp I am up

Not by choice, but instead of pushing the time on my alarm so I can try to sleep some more is not happening. How productive I will be is another story - perhaps for another day. At least there aren't any dirty dishes in the sink. Today will be a long day, but hopefully a busy one at work - pending I stay there all day. 

My kiddo had a high fever yesterday. Could not get it down unless doped up on medicine. Hopefully he slept okay. I wanted him in my bed, but I guess he is too old for that now. He is going to be pretty pissed when I make him go to school and have the nurse send him home. 

I have class tonight and tomorrow. Should be interesting enough. Then I am going to get into those other classes. I hope. I would really like to work on it with my downtime at work like planned, so hopefully the lady will get in tough with me today. 

I think this week just being up this early will be my goal. Monday - Done. 

I think I did extremely well yesterday. Got all of my shit done which was just a never ended stance at the kitchen sink doing fucking dishes. But meal prep-oats-fridge clean-work out - all got done. In between dealing with a high fevered lil asshole. Some of his bullshit was a bit much even if he wasn't feeling well. 

If his fever has not subsided. I will let him stay home, go into work to grab a covid test and my pc then say the school called. I am not sure what it is because he said he had no other symptoms other than the fever. We have never had covid officially in this house so no idea what we would even need to do, but every place has a policy - so yea should test just in case. There were a bunch of tests at that place I am taking classes too. 

My body has been hurting not like usual soreness, but just hurting. Especially my legs. Made me wonder if my mother's "fake" illness of MS maybe passed on to me also. Meh either way not getting on a bunch of meds for that so I will need to figure out how to make this soreness go away. 

Other than that my mind just tells me that it is winter and I shouldn't be pushing so hard to do all of the things and just be in the moment of rest. I haven't even hibernated yet. Ah a good day of sleep would probably fix everything right now. If I could actually pull that off. 

Today - it is cold and rain turned to snow last night so I think I will just read my book in my blanket and try to move every hour for at least 5 mins. 

I am actually excited about class tonight - I want to see how this teaching method is. I also have had thoughts of - how does one get to teach these classes and maybe this is something to look into. Is paralegal really what I want to get into? Yes, I am pretty sure, but is it where I want to be here where I am now? I have a couple years to figure that out. 

hmm the boy is up ... go fucking figure. Better check his fever. Still a low one. I do not think I can send him to school with it so. Not high enough for me to need to stay home, but if nothing is going on at work I will leave at lunch. 

Thankful that it went down and that it was not a rough night. Once I was asleep, it was peaceful. 

I apologized to Charlie yesterday for the harsh words. When it comes down to it, I just have no idea how to handle someone that hasn't left so when things go wrong I assume the best course is to let it go. But we are married so unless it is really fucking bad - there is no need and I have to deal with it and my feelings. Especially when we are doing what we set out to do for the most part. Almost 1000 bucks saved in January. If we can do this most most months, by next year we should be more than set to buy a house. We also have income taxes - but not sure how that will pan out after I fucked them up last year. We will see. 

Money flows to me naturally, money flows to me easily. This is money coming, money coming. 

New money mantra. :p

Plus his bonus. We have 300 saved for spending money in Cleveland which should be more than enough already as we are just staying one day instead of 2. We were staying 2 and then stopping at Charlie's nieces' cheer thing, but welp found out at fucking Walmart - she no longer will be going there and blahblahblah. So, yeah Charlie is the type to be like oh no that is terrible, but me I am like yes very terrible, but those people call you family and treat you like shit so much so that you had to find out this shit in a fucking Walmart. So, yeah his family sucks. I will never think different of that. At least though if he calls his brother and asks him a favor, he usually can do it. So there is the difference between my family and his. 

Looks like another year of not being able to see my nieces or nephew for their bdays because my sister is a cunt. Oh well, I will focus on my kids even though my oldest just isn't givin off good vibes and I am close to telling her what I really think, but keep thinking better of myself than doing that so I am just distancing - Leos and drama. It follows them fierce. I think mostly because - they love it. And honestly maybe that was a sign from the universe saying get the fuck away from the douchebag man you deal with on a daily - See that is another thing. These people I know deal with these loser ass guys and then it makes me wonder about my own. Yeah I settled a little bit, but even if he is a dumbass - he is loyal - and does what I ask - no questions. But then again it will be a situation where he will be like oh no that wasn't my fault because I am dumb. Bet. 

I heard a thing that said you are not healed you are just isolated so things don't trigger you - and I thought - what is wrong with that? Staying in my peace bubble because the fucking outside world pisses me off? I learn to go with the flow and why not make it my own flow ? I thought I needed friends, but what I need is to be there for myself like I have been for 90% of the people no longer in my life. That includes not putting myself into situations that would upset me. I go out in the world to work - and that is enough. Going to the gym to work out makes me stressed and not wanting to do it. So, I just need to push myself at home more. Like for real. Make the time when everything is busy. That is all - so I will do it at home. I did yesterday. My sore body says it is so. Now I have plenty of time to get ready for work and the kiddo is not getting up so I can rearrange and do a workout. Which I will at 7. Writing for an hour is enough time in my thoughts. Now to sign up for Zumba? I am not sure. I like the smaller class for the sessions, but I do not think I like her classes anymore. She stops too much and Zumba really doesn't explain stuff they just do it and you follow. It is a workout vs. dance and she has it the other way around. Maybe the energy is me, but I feel like this is what I need to do. Just stay in my bubble and focus on myself. There is nothing wrong with that. I went out into these classes to try and connect with people and really haven't so time to go back to the way I am comfortable. 

I am getting my hair done this week and I am super excited. Purple. Black. Bangs. Why not? I want to feel 41 and look good doing it. I will not regret the look this time unless she really fucks it up, but crawling back to her hopefully only a little bitterness. I apologized and said mistakes were made. Just hopefully not to a point where all of my hair needs to be chopped off. jk - not doing that. 

41 - oh I found some nice tarot and magical things to do on my bday well I will need to do them the day before or after because we will be out all night for my bday. Still trying to look forward to that, but then again - around 10 when I am tired - we can leave - it is literally a glorified cover band. Won't feel bad about it. 

Okay going to stop jabbering now because I need to stretch, drink some water, check this boys fever again and get ready to work out.