Monday Motivation

 Still giving into my period, I just don't have the Monday motivation that I have had. But determined not to let it kick my ass anymore. So, I am up. Tarot has been read in which was exactly that - stop getting in my own way. 8 of Swords. Not a fan of swords, but seem to be my theme this week so I need to suck it up and get on with my week. Slight headache, back pain, some dread of how the work day will go. 

I think I am dreading going to the courthouse to pick up papers. Why they decided a Legal Assistant should be doing this is beyond me and well my duties I believe. So, debating saying something in our meeting. Like what should my boundaries be? Or do I do the task and prepare for more like it? It does seem like this is a task of convenance. Also though, it is going to the exact place I need to if I wanted to draw more papers up for child support and change things around. Do I start that war? Was this a sign to go there and do it? Because if not forced to go, would I? I have been thinking about it just because the cost of living is just beyond me sometimes, but remembering the death threats, and threats to disappear if I ever took him back are holding me back. Yeah, I am leaving that alone. We will be okay. 

So, for today I need to get it together and do my job. I have a ton to do today and it will go by fast. Then debating on going to the boxing class. That might have to wait until next week as I may just want to lay down after this day. That is okay. Period almost over. Today, I think I will take an anxiety pill and get er done. 

Says the 8 of Swords means feeling trapped, this is where I start to debate where I should draw the line on tasks. I am 99.9% the other admin/legal asses have not been asked to do this. So, why is it bugging me so much? Because I feel like the Yes man who just gets shit until it is too much or is this something I should be doing? What if I do say no, will someone be mad? Then I think of the person who should be doing it and honestly she is probably too old to do all that. Now I start thinking of this further because well - could be leading to a new path. Meh. Also anxious about the big wigs coming on Thursday, same day I have to leave an hour early to determine if my teeth can be saved. 

Whether I like it or not this week that is on my mind heavy. The cost and the damage. In that order. I do feel trapped like no matter how much we go up, there is always something bringing us back to reality and just below where we need to be money wise. I get a huge raise and back to making the money I made at the bank, hubby has to pay double in child support and now this mouth shit when I wanted to go ahead and put myself into debt because of school. Can I do it all? Am I overloading myself? Am I making the right decisions? I know I get in my own way, but really how do I know that I am making the right choices if I am still just barely maintaining. 

So, okay ... sitting with it. I am a little lost. I need guidance. I need a sign. 

Okay when I think about work - I did notice that I am making more than at least one of the paralegals. So I need to suck it up and do what is asked of me there. I am still establishing myself there and when asked to move towards a certain section, I will need to know where I want to go So, there is that. 

My teeth well - I need to suck it up there too. It is time to deal with this before I do lose them and I need to get them taken care of. Proper deep cleanings and just need to breath and take my medicine until I know the actual damages. 

So, for today - Take my anxiety medicine. Print the papers, go to the courthouse, deposit at bank, and do my job. 💚

My body will be fine wrapped in my warm blankie and I need to remember to move every hour. Back to business. 

The card was right. DO NOT GET IN YOUR OWN WAY TODAY. Do what you gotta do and stop whining about it. 

Time to 💩