41 - Ready for it.

 Here we are already to September and I am ready. Anxious, but ready. Now taking a moment to prepare. Ready for a new routine. Football. Time with my family and nervous about school. But this is my time to shine and take some for myself. I can do it all.  Today the rain off and on was not too motivating, but did it anyways. With some bitching to the husband. Whatever. I think deep down he likes it and if not well then kindly move the fuck along because he is in my way.  Work ended on a decent note and my boss trying to put me out to the paralegal sharks as if I am ready to be on the team. Nah, I really do not think that is my long term goal. I miss working from home and not dealing with fucking people. No, I do not want to put myself in the middle of their work while I am trying to learn. As I stated, I am just now dipping my toes into this next journey and I do not plan on jumping in anytime soon. Also, lesson learned on who I am talking to. I know the one person I do ta...

 It has been a busy week and a reminder that I am not sure how much time I will have to myself once school starts. It does not seem that I will have a lot of time to work on school work from home and now I need to push for home time.  Thankful for the long weekend and for some reason it seems something is in the air with hubby as he has partially pulled his head out of his ass. Just wants some ass, but was a different person yesterday. We will see how long it lasts. Kiddo should be leaving sometime this afternoon and we will have the whole weekend together. I do not want to do anything to mentally prepare for back to school week and well he can't sit still to save his life so should be an interesting weekend.  I did try to go to Zumba yesterday even though I was not motivated and it was canceled. Only annoying because I hyped myself up to not do it in the end.  So, my sister and I are on talking terms - for who long ? Who knows. Trying to stay out of things that invo...

 Yep finally after many months of not doing so, I checked my weight. Slightly (by one pound) less than I guessed. I have one of those phone watches now so I started back up pushing myself yesterday. More than the rest of the week, but yep logging food, checked my weight and pushed for those 10k steps. Even with bowling - did not make it. There was a suggestion to go to work earlier and walk, but I know I will not have time to do all of that starting next week and when the weather turns, I definitely won't so. Nah. I need him to clear the fucking treadmill and to start hopping on that. I will mention it later, but communication with him has been hard this week. In his own little stupid fucking world again. I don't even have the energy to pull him out this time either.  Work was a little hectic making it more obvious that I need to set home time to do school work. Even if I tried, I would be constantly interrupted and wouldn't be able to focus when I got a moment. So, morning...

 I am exhausted and sore. I did manage 10k steps yesterday so go me. I got a new watch to try and keep track of how much I move during work so that should help have a better idea. Still need to push for something later, but not this morning.  The boys had it out last night and I am still trying to figure that out. Charlie forgot about the one fucking bill I ask him to take care of and well I was upset and for some reason this really pissed off Ryan and well things blew up. I know Charlie will ignore it like it was nothing and just be a fucking moody asshole instead of talking about it. At this point I am done talking about it. We haven't saved money and he even asked to dip for a bill we put on auto pay so it won't take that much of his check. Yes, so I am still upset. He won't apologize either. Just act like he has done nothing wrong. So, whatever. I am going to do my best from now on to hide money and if we don't have it for his bullshit - then we do not have it. For ...

 Maybe I was a bit aggressive when I said every day work out. Today, my arms are sore as fuck and honestly the rest of me is too. Dead tired and ready for bed and my husband decided to turn me into a pretzel. So, I was up but laid in bed and then took a bath.  I need to make oats as I haven't yet this week and need to eat better today. No fucking donuts. It is going to be humid gross hot today and I will be thankful to be in the cold office. Just have to remember to move more though because I am not going outside until I have to. Definitely turning on the air before leaving for work. The kid will probably be up late because waking him at 7 is useless. Until he really needs to be up.  It will be weird with everyone's heat on while it is cooking outside. Ha. I will probably wrap in my heated blanket unless the one lady needs it.  I think I am where the kiddo is and just ready to start school already. We are ready even though he still has no shoes. I will get on him aga...

Got my mouse and pad and I am pastel ready to start this new school adventure. Also, today ... I got my diploma. Finally at age 41 - I did it. Hard work pays off folks and I do still regret how much time I wasted not applying myself.  This keyboard is better than the lap top and the number pad is nice. I am making less typos so far. I have decided that I need to dedicate time at home for school because at work may just be impossible unless I am reading and making notes but still then I cannot pay much attention. We will see how tomorrow is. There was just no time today. A bigger desk at home may be needed, but for now this little space will do.  I think I am all set as far as school so I should stop obsessing until it happens. In fact, I think I should be getting some leisure reading in before the week is over.  So, that is what I am going to go down now. 

 Wish me luck as I am about to wake the teenager. Trying to get to school schedule and it's not fun fir me either. I enjoyed my summer of sleep in. We get one true week of nothing and then back to school. I am going to try to enjoy it, but also wake up early.  Still getting used to this little keyboard, but like the fact that I have not had to plug this laptop in for days as it is still charged.  I went to Zumba yesterday and I am sore as fuck, but I am going to try to get at least 30 mins of work outs in for the morning so I will do that here in a few. Just some arms today and then pushing for 10k. Even if my walk buddy doesn't want to go, I need to push it. Even though it would be best to walk now and not when it is 85 degrees. Going back to the office sweaty is the worst.  I noticed this morning that there is a new Zumba girl out there. She has the last two for the outside Y classes. I might go check her out. If I like her she has Mondays and Wednesdays at the Y. ...

 Trying to get into the school groove. So, I am up while everyone is still sleeping. I have decided Sundays will be the days that I log in and prep for the week. Check my weekly assignments, do an original post, and try to schedule out the week of to-do. Normal, but for school.  I need to try to do this earlier than almost 9am though, but I am still catching up for much needed sleep after the sun kicked my ass two days in a row. The Fall shift is happening and rest is needed. This last week with not much to do will be used for that. Work out the nerves, wake up early and try to get the kiddo up early too. I am going to try and walk or work out or something. I got a new long jean skirt and very upset that it does not fit, just pointing out how much I have been slacking this summer. With that and everything else.  I have Zumba here in a few then I am going to cook a brunch. Not sure about dinner yet, but it will be another hot & humid day so hopefully grill something an...

I think I have the new laptop set up okay, but the keyboard is small and out of all the mice? Mouses? whatever anyways, that I had - not one to use with this until I get to work. So, here I am up before 7am and ready to check stuff for school work and what not. Trying to get into the habit, but I think anxiety is what really has me awake.  Still in the air. Hopefully I can get used to this, but it will be good to have a backup. Pretty sure the gaming lap top is on the verge of toast, but thought it would be better to start with fresh pc. From the bottom up right? I am sitting at my desk, but suppose I could be on the couch having my coffee. Oh well, Lack of sleep this week and just trying to be prepared for this school shit has me on edge. I talked with my coworker yesterday though and it made me feel a little better, but I do need to plan to be away from everything to work. Shit I could even stay at the office I suppose for real quiet time.  I am going to take this to work an...

 Yet, no lessons learned or maybe? Maybe Charlie did - as this seemed to be a redo of years ago when he didn't want to see Avril and I went with someone else. At least that is what I am chalking my irresponsibility to anyways. That pop punk princess is still amazing and after thoughts are - holy shit 22 years ago. The shit I went through, got through and continue to grow thanks to music.  After draggin my ass out of bed on the account that my honey did it at 4 am and went to work, I am showered and motivated for a day at work. Hopefully today goes smoothly. I now wake up and think wonder what shit work will bring and I need to just be grateful that I have a good job. So, I am grateful that I have a job. A job that allows me to pay my bills, keep food and a roof over our heads and still splurge on concert tickets. Even if I am not supposed to be doing that. It was a deal too good to be true and well hubby is worse than me at control. We are living our best life together and I n...

 Last night was a fun night. I spent time with my hubby and my best friend. She wasn't too thrilled about the event, but I hope she got out of her mind a little bit and enjoyed the show. The concert was pretty good even though I forgot that I stopped liking Bush when they got a little weird with the music, but that almost 60 yr old looks amazing lol  Wore out to the fullest though. My body hurts and I did not sleep in enough. Maybe, but coffee might help. I have cleaned my my tiny desk some more - in the process keep getting sidetracked and put my laptop in the room with my other school stuff. I decided to try and use this lap top too for school work, but might be best to keep everything on my work pc - easier access to folders for printing and what not. I thought it was being monitored by work, but it was the school so it should be safe. Either way the lap top is here for now. Cleaning out my desk looking for the part for my mouse.  Today, will be a day of nothing. Yeste...

 So, I am laying on the couch preparing for a night baseball game after a long day and it is muggy as fuck outside. But do I wear jeans or shorts - who fucking knows is where we are with this summer.  My nerves are up thinking about school. I did a big of a dive into some of the things and well - it is going to be a lot. Just nervous that I am not going  Well I typed a bunch more but laying down and typing somehow caused it to erase - so yeah.  Guess I should breath out these racing thoughts. 

 Slept in a little then had to get an injured mouse outside. Felt bad plopping it into the grass, but better than the garbage if it survives. Looked up what they eat, I will dump some seed by it if it is still there before I leave. Shit also need to clean the floor.  Until later. 

 I as usual can't find my regular bra so I am sitting in my old one after I decided I did not want to wear a dress today. It will be hot outside therefore, cold as fuck in the office. So, I know the outfit I want to wear, but it is mostly black so I will be sitting in undies until it is time to go. Baxter our lovely white kitty loves when you wear black. He then has an urge to be held and petting more so than usual.  I woke up and got out of bed at 6:30 today. Showered to give my body some love and washing my stinky as fuck shoes.  I am pretty tired, but tonight is my night to myself and so it has become my self care day. Later I will change my tarot alter around and off my desk. I need a space to work. I tried to do it in the kitchen, but was distracted by hubby watching shows without me and the child yelling at his gaming team. I did manage to get most of the to-do practice done though. I have an assessment to practice and then a survey for readiness. Am I ready? Yes. M...

 Well I am up earlier, just not by much. I truly hate waking up early, but I am trying. A few more weeks and I will need to be up and at it with the kiddo. I will have an 8th grader and in 4 more yrs a senior. I can't take it. But by then I hope to have a true career job and to have the party at our house. Many get togethers. I miss having those and space to do it is soon.  I realized that I have seen Streetlight Manifesto, I knew I did but from being a drunk person most of my life, I could not remember when or where. Apparently 13 yrs ago. The night I couldn't remember and the person I apparently went with well. Probably didn't go with me. So, I blocked the night out - blacked out more the word. Even though I am realizing that I might be phasing out of concerts, jk - I do enjoy going to them sober now. Almost at 2 yrs and still feel like I might want to when stressed, but definitely no urges to actually do it. I would be so sick and the thought just isn't there. Anothe...

 I got an acceptance letter for the college. I still do not feel like it is a huge deal, but then remember all of the hard work I decided to do. Yes, late, but I did it. I am proud of myself. My younger damaged self would be proud. My inner child is screaming in praise from the inside. I can feel it. The dreams I set out for and didn't accomplish due to my own self destruction. I am finally doing the things I set out to do.  Backwards as fuck, but here I am. Next a degree, a house and finally my happily ever after.  I am living the life I thought I would never have. Husband, good kids, good job, my health, my kitties. More kitties would be nice, but when we get the house settled.  I wasn't going to let myself celebrate or felt it wasn't worthy, but the past 8 months have been hard and worth it. Now for my health journey - no idea just trying to maintain not eating too much bullshit and getting off my ass enough. That seems to be working. I have to get things set up w...

 Officially starting college classes. I did it. I completed the grueling program for my diploma and it will begin. So, for a few weeks I will try to relax. Work was hell last Friday and trying to prepare myself for another day like that is making just miss working from home so bad. Even sometimes.  We woke up to no water. So, that's fun. Luckily I did shower, but I am on my period so the toilet needs to be flushed. I think the only one that will be dramatic is Ryan because that is how he wakes up for the day, by standing in the shower for an hour.  Anyways, we had a good weekend, but probably no we did spend way too much money. There was a couple art festivals and I went nuts, hubby did not retrain me and well now I have a fairy door, got Jazz a nice jacket for her bday and overall it was just a beautiful weekend. Spent some quality time with honey and then yesterday we went to see the new Deadpool movie and it was awesome.  8am and I still do not want to get ready f...

 Maybe, but hopefully  I am done with this fucking program. Now to get the diploma before Sept 4 so I can start classes is another story. O well a little break to get back on track with my health will be good. After a day off to get some things done ended up more stressful than needed. I am whooped. The kiddo wants me to go to bowling with him and hubby tonight. I do not want to go. After the amount of money I spent today, I just want to lay down and not do shit for a bit. Eye doctor really fucked me. At least some of that will be returned. And we get paid tomorrow. But 500 needs to go back into my damn saving account so there is that. Hopefully that child tax money comes soon.  So, yeah - done with the school program and talking to the college advisors. No diploma for like 6 weeks if I am lucky, but the lady can verify that I completed with 100% scores. The advisor said something he probably says to everyone, but it really hit me. Congratulations on getting your diploma....

 Looks like I might double up on anxiety meds today. Again, the world is on fire and I will be in it today. No idea what to wear with this shit humid weather and husband that wants to stay until dark. Not looking forward to this day. I need to get a grip though as it is not about me today.  So get dressed, get cake, pack up and get out. So, from 10am until who knows when, I will be gone. I just want the sun to come out a little. Lord, please let this be a good turn out. I cannot bring 30 lbs of meat back home. 

 Long ass week. Jamming the new Aurorawave album. I have been waiting for this shit for a long time. I think it is going to be everything I wanted it to be. Woke up early enough to shower and hang out before leaving for work. A rainy day, glad I am skipping the work picnic. I need to do some stuff for the party and then it happens tomorrow. Finally. And cannot wait until it is over already. So thankful my best friend is coming for moral support.  Ready for the next chapter, new moon, and even retrograde - I think. I went to the school yesterday and did some work. Hopefully my visit next week will be my fucking last. Then while I was bored at work I got to thinking - one after talking with one of the attorneys - she pointed out that we never seem to be hiring paralegals. Just need attorneys - especially when they keep dropping off like flies. So, my future after doing this program. Unsure, but yes still going to pursue the paralegal thing, but I think I have come to the fact th...