41 - Ready for it.

 Things have been accomplished this weekend. All of the meat has been made and put into the freezer for next week. Now I pray people show up and eat all that damn food. If fucking ten people show up instead of close to 100, I will be pissed.  Making my hummingbird water then going outside for a few, it might already be too hot. We are having a bbq today.  Alright - hung out with the birds and the bugs. Already hot as fuck with no breeze and some lovely wildfire air. Air quality is fine my ass.  Meh not in the mood for journaling. Going to pump some jams and clean, get shit done so I can do nothing the rest of the day. 

 Hoping this amount produces good food as I am freaking out about the type of one of the ground beefs. Hoping to save it the day of. The guys didn't like the texture and I thought it was weird in the first place. 10lbs at 45 each was actually a steal so we got it. 4 pans later, not so sure. Luckily I have 7 others to go through before getting to that and that is just the ground beef. The chicken is a process and hopefully it gets eaten. Full panic mode of being judged on this food. Really want to make it my best, but after getting up at 6am to drive an hour n half away, hanging out on my feet for 4 hours, then getting all of the grad party meat - so tired.  Taking a quick minute to try and decompress. Literally. My whole body hurts. Had the kiddo pop my back, laid on my bench to pop it some more and hopefully will take a bath soon as I have at least 3 more hours on the first batch of chicken. Crockpot - salsa & chicken - smells good. The ground beef went faster than expect...

 Had some nice downtime last night, but barely felt like it other than the early sleep, so I have time this morning. I was going to go to work earlier, but I have an appointment at 4 that is a few mins away. No need to leave at 3:30. Thinking about the upcoming weekend and things I need to get done. I have come to the realization that this school shit will not be done by August as it has been almost 2 weeks for the fucking review on the corrections I made on last lesson and well they always find something to come back with. Just have to roll with those punches I guess. I only have one essay left to do on the very last lesson of the very last lesson. So, there is that. Now how long will it take to be reviewed, corrected, reviewed and submitted so I can get the fuckinng certificate and be done? Who fucking knows, but when it is done, I will sign up for the following semester. I am doing my part and cannot control the rest <- I'm a big girl now.  Today, debating Zumba, but jus...

 I didn't feel like getting bit up this morning. I was attacked yesterday by many but was worth it to watch all of the birdies I saw. Every single kind in this area minus the elusive Eastern Bluebird. I noticed we have 3 Orioles so that was something and then Bluejay made his appearance. I will try to sit later if it does not rain and wear bug spray.  Seems to be a heated morning already and supposed to storm later. I am wearing a dress because I stayed in bed too long and did not feel like making an outfit. Plus I am ready to go with time. So here I am. finished 2 lessons yesterday and have two more. One in which is an essay. Hoping to grind that out today and not have to take Ryan to bowling. Charlie will be at the dentist, he thinks he will get out of there by 5. Ha. I hope so. I need to do the same though. Make some appointments. Find someone to talk to about this perimenopause. Monday, I will make some appointments. Sleep was nice and peaceful the last couple nights. I ca...

 Decided to go with the surprising good news of the 1.1 update in my current favorite game. After all of the hard work yesterday, it paid off with a very sleepy person to play the update. Out of bed at or before 7 today. Goal achieved. Now to be productive, probably just enjoy my slow morning. I would be outside, but yesterday I was swarmed by many many mosquitos within a few mins of being out there. Not feeling it this morning. So, journaling it is along with coffee.  Figures too, the cats were leaving me alone and here I am awake. I feel rested for once though so. Rain this afternoon, but most likely will push out to be another humid sticky warm day. Not a fan, but this weather and August next week promises the best time of the year so not to worried about it.  Now I kind of do want to go outside to sit though. I think I will and light my buggy candles.  Until later. 

 I just don't wanna. Today kicked my ass. All of this pre shadow retrograde full moon shit. I am drained. The world is chaos around us. Literally an assassination or whatever attempt on Trump, Biden stepped down, a ton of actors wiped out for whatever reason.  Now local chaos - two local places literally one right by my work - and whom we work with a lot - terroristic threat - 26 yr old killed flying a plane and the very next day the sky diving place carried on like nothing happened. Oh and today and train into a garage. How the fuck? So yeah. Emotionally drained when trying not to make things my business. Last night I was doing good too, watching my birds and reading until I realized a few cop cars in front of my house. Later realizing it was for across the street, a teenager being escorted to an ambulance. This one is bugging me. Not really because of who because I do not talk them enough to be in their business, but triggered some teenage bullshit within myself. The melt do...

 Ha. Trying to ground inside is kind of silly, but I can only use the laptop attached to a plug and I have figured that I have not been doing this enough. So, trying to get myself back on track. Realigning myself to my goals. What has worked? Journaling, pushing myself and well even when lost fake it until you make it. Yeah it still sucks having to drive the force between two people - myself and Charlie, but I am going to try to focus less on him and more on myself. Just like the kiddo who wants to stop his 504 plan at school and just let it unfold without freaking the fuck out.  Trying to center while the kid is yelling at his video game is a whole other issue. We ended up in Michigan. Yeah I know, but also compromise. Of course though the husband was not thankful. Cj was though and that is what counts. We got to be there for him even if he didn't make it much further, he made it far enough and was glad to be there. Haven't heard much from Jasmine, but hoping it is due to her...

 This week went by pretty quick for a week back after vacation. It went good, did school work but still not done with this shit. Haven't felt very motivated to do it as there is yet another glitch in the system of this shit being done. I might force myself this weekend, but something tells me this final project will have me finding a new path for myself. We shall see how it goes on Tuesday. I did not go on Thursday as she didn't have my shit corrected and I didn't want to be rushed again. Tuesday will be fine.  Loud ass cricket.  Hubby has been sick so after he went fishing and played pickleball - useless. I made a good dinner and got some things for the grad party. And some art work for my office. Satisfying Friday even though the fucking animals outside broke my birdie bath. Kind of sad about that. This hobby is getting to be the most expensive one I have had.  Tomorrow we are ordering the grad cake and getting groceries. Hoping that is the extent of the day. I kep...

 Well after some madness from this school bullshit and the work bullshit, I decided to just take some time off. So, this week I started with intent to just relax and try to figure out my next steps or something. I took a day to go to the school and try to figure shit out, but I was rushed for an hour n half without completing everything I need to be done. I will be preparing a long winded complaint/review or whatever you want to call it once this shit is finally done. After going back and forth on one of the questions that keep coming back - that I finally proved myself to be right and that they should of just accepted my fucking answer - well not the college will not stop calling me.  $414 did randomly show up, but not sure it is legit. So, I need to figure that out on Monday, including trying to get the rest of the program finished and classes started for September. Yeah, yeah - I did decide to keep going the best I can even though it is hard and pisses me off a lot. But I n...