Blogging vs. Schoolwork

 I just don't wanna. Today kicked my ass. All of this pre shadow retrograde full moon shit. I am drained. The world is chaos around us. Literally an assassination or whatever attempt on Trump, Biden stepped down, a ton of actors wiped out for whatever reason.  Now local chaos - two local places literally one right by my work - and whom we work with a lot - terroristic threat - 26 yr old killed flying a plane and the very next day the sky diving place carried on like nothing happened. Oh and today and train into a garage. How the fuck? So yeah. Emotionally drained when trying not to make things my business. Last night I was doing good too, watching my birds and reading until I realized a few cop cars in front of my house. Later realizing it was for across the street, a teenager being escorted to an ambulance. This one is bugging me. Not really because of who because I do not talk them enough to be in their business, but triggered some teenage bullshit within myself. The melt down, the hospitalization and just another noted time that I was completely alone in life. Hope she is okay. 

A lot on my mind and motivation for none of it. Work went fast today even though no one was too happy about the stupid sign in. Honestly, I think it is the stupidest thing I have ever witnessed at a work place. Makes no sense, but everyone is going with it. So, I will too. 

The boys left for bowling so I could get this school work done, but I am really just not in the mood. So here I am to talk myself into it debating a walk. Then thinking about how gross it is outside. I was cooking and sat in the gazebo for less than 5 mins and mosquitos ate me alive also. So, that is an easy no. Safe food handling and reading about how gross chicken really is, I guess it is good that I am not making chicken for a bit. 

Starting to get anxiety about cooking for a ton of people I do not know and are friends with Charlie's ex. 100% will be judged and if I make everyone sick or they hate it then - FML. I do not think I was thinking that when planning, but now - super stressed about it. Then again if you can mess up "white people" tacos - you should be shamed to all hell. So, there's that. 

So, after thinking about my tarot reading this morning and doing something even if it isn't much towards my goal is progress. It is time to work on school work for a bit. I am definitely going to try to sleep a little earlier too. 

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