41 - Ready for it.

 And I feel mostly calm. So, I decided to pull a card on this and yep. 10 of Cups. Funny too because it was left in the box and then I pulled it out, shuffled a bunch and bam, back to that:  This is an indication of harmonious family, for the card shows you that you are living in the perfect peace. No more adjustments or shifting is needed, you are in the right, just relax and enjoy your moment.  So, yep perfect sense. The pinched nerve in my neck says different, but not much I can do about that except hope it goes away soon. Monday is here and I will start my new classes on Wednesday. My break was not much of a break. but I got some things in I wanted and still have a couple days. Oh and well she is finally sending someone to LOOK at the heat. Hopefully it is just the pilot light and can be fixed. That is what prompted the whole house search. Our landlord was a total bitch about getting someone here and not letting us choose some place, she even threatened that we would ...

 So, waking up today feeling shitty after an issue with husband yesterday. Apparently I need to be a raging lunatic to get my point across and now I sit here like how will I know? How will I know what to go after? How will I know that our time is up? How will I know that this is THE house? How will I know when to move on?  A house, we both saw popped up for sale around the corner. I thought this could be the time, but open house is 11 to 1 on Saturday and well that is during my husband's flag football game that he is having a hard time getting people to gather for. His own brother won't be there past 11 because well he doesn't want to be and has bigger priorities. My husband though, well he is still stupid to see what those are so I go alone and we figure it out after instead of fucking together. Now, do I go? Is this not the time? Who fucking knows and I am just angry sitting here trying to figure it out. Price range, maybe. Neighborhood, not terrible. 4 bedrooms, yes - ya...

All of my grades are in and I passed with a 98% and a 99%. All of my hard work paid off and I hope to continue this journey. I know the classes will be hard, but I intend on going in with the same go-to attitude. So, now still trying to relax a little and get some Halloween, Fall things in. So far, we got pumpkins. No idea when we will do them, but decided to smash a few for the animals in the yard. Should be fun.  Work has been steady but I have got some gaming in so that has been nice. Tomorrow we have the main director coming in so that will not be a fun Friday until she leaves. I am pretty sure everyone will actually be there too. We will see though.  Now I am up early and do not need to get my niece. That is okay. I have been a bit lazy lately. Just changing weather has me into slight hibernation mode. I actually hear birds this morning so maybe the cats are done terrorizing them over here.   Full day today too. Work, Zumba - last session with Crystal for a bit,...

 Wishing I could get a little more sleep. The long weekend was good and our trip to Cleveland was awesome. Rise Against never fails to be an amazing show. It is a whole new experience for most of these concerts the last couple of years, being sober during them. Apart of me still wants to be in the pit, but seeing these bands in a whole new light is awesome and I am thankful.  I am so very proud of myself. I finished my first session of official college. I am on a break until October 30th and plan to read, game, and maybe get some good sleep. Then I start my first paralegal course. I am so nervous. These last classes were basic English and a Microsoft course. They were exhausting and I knew most of the material. Now, I won't know shit and the time goes by fast. 7.5 weeks flew by. Shit, October is almost over and I haven't done one Fall/Halloween thing yet. The weather has been pretty decent though in fact today will be a Fall day of almost 80 apparently. Ha. I might go get some...

 But definitely warmer outside. So, I should really be out there. I just wanted to take a moment to say that I finished my first session of college. Well two more assignments needs grades so I can reflect, but I should get those done before the deadline and I can enjoy my trip with my hubby. It was a lot more work than I was expecting, but now for future classes I will be prepared for more complicated work. Especially because next session I get to start my paralegal shit finally. I am exhausted, but the good kind where I know I did some hard work. I worked out every day this week one way or another so that is something too. We decided to quit the stupid weight loss class because even though I wanted the accountability, it was not for me. I just need to be motivated to get out of this body and into a new one. I think I am there. Time off from school will allow me to be a little less tired and to the gym more and then I can work school back into whatever I am doing. It is a short bre...

 Here we go - day 2 of the week but already Wednesday! I just reread my final essay and it needs a lot of changes. I am basically beating the dream thing into the readers head and need new words. I think I should also mention the fact that I made it this far on pure Grit. Yeah I should write that down. Meh wrong notebook in front of me.  I only have a few minutes. Purely avoiding getting dressed because we do not have any heat at the moment and it is cold as fuck. Then I have to go into work where it will be the same until it is almost time to leave. Then it will be warmer. Here though I will need to do Zumba so I can sweat and warm myself up. Not sure when the heater guy is coming. Charlie delayed the process by acting like he knew what he was doing with the furnace and "trying" some things. He has no clue and I am not going down there.  Just wanted to reflect that 10 years ago today we moved here. To this little humble abode. I have it completely in my mind that this is...

 Back to work after a long weekend so other than the cold, I am ready for it. The upcoming full moon looks to be playing around already and it will be a tough one. I need to remember to breath before reacting. Usually should, but it seems a must with this energy. School is going to be hectic and I am stressed. Regular work this week and then more drops on Friday with only a few days to complete. I made plans for Saturday which was probably a silly idea with the trip coming in, but can't bail now so I need to push through and get some shit done. I might almost opt to cancel the movie night though. We will see what I can get done. I did a lot yesterday, but it seems not enough. Probably just stressing myself out, but want my grades to stay high and not lack on anything. I feel like this is the actual showing of how it will be from now on. The easy stuff is gone and real school work has arrived.   Jazz texted me with some concerning news, but I really should just stay out of...

 And I am up I guess. More sleep would of been nice, but I will probably relax all day and maybe get some laundry put away. Maybe. I whooped my ass with school work last night and stayed up a bit watching Gilmore Girls. I didn't even have the brain power to play Animal Crossing.  I woke up due to a weird dream and realized most of it was the tv show, the other was stuff I might be concerned about like taking a sip out of a flask and ruining 2 years of sobriety. The usual disconnect with my husband and then a power steering issue. So, I am up not thinking about that and the person who came through on a medium the other day. It was not my Memaw. OR maybe it was - not sure but the information given clicks for Gramma Peaches who now is on my mind. No graves to visit so I do not know. I might go again for some clarity.  So a short work week followed by another long weekend. I wanted to spend the whole weekend in Cleveland, but we decided not to so we can save some money. Good ...

 I thought there were no signs, but there were. Like my explosion to a simple finding out what I have been thinking all along was true. On a few accounts this week. Just really need to learn to keep to myself more often. Yes, that bitch is putting all off her calls to me all day, but it really isn't that many. I need to let karma go into effect or something I guess. I thought I made it past the test when stupid ex S.H. decided to be in my Snapchat. Again, I thought I removed him, but then I was just off that app for a while until my kiddo sent me something. Anyways, successfully blocked him and then the bullshit at work. My mouth got the best of me, but how dare you tell me to shut up and do my job. Ugh. Still trying to calm down. My appointment isn't until Nov. 7th and that should be in the prime of what I am getting down to with this PMS bullshit. No sore boobs, back pain but thought it was the cold ass weather. Being in a cozy heated blanket all day was nice, but still didn...

 PMs? or just in a mood? My world will never know. Just having a hard time these days and well I think I just need to get out of my head and into feeling better. When things should happen, they will. Right? But when I feel like a lot of my stress would be gone if I just lived my life how I already feel - a single mother, then it would be better. Yes, I love my husband, but this married life is just plain stupid. Promising myself to someone when I didn't even know how I was or what I want to deal with just doesn't seem right. I am just not that into it anymore. Also, I am the worst at pretending. We just aren't clicking at the moment. Maybe it is because we haven't had sex, but honestly, not in the mood.  Anyways, going to put my best foot forward to getting back on track with my healthy ways so I need to track all food and exercise this week for the 12 week program. We weight in on Saturday. At the class full of women, they all blamed their husbands basically - poor hub...

 Up early as fuck after lots of being awake last night due to tummy issues. I really did it to myself. Ate a slice of cheesecake and went to bed. We got up to take the kiddo an hour away for bowling, but he is now "sick" or at least playing it off well enough to fight me about school tomorrow. But after the way I left last week, I will give him the benefit of doubt.  As usual my husband is already planning his escape out of the house and well I don't even fucking care anymore. Don't have a slow Sunday with me. Do whatever the more he is around me now anyways the less I want to be around him.  I started some school work as far as making a plan for the week. Today I should get through both lectures and be able to stay on target. If I can get my grades back timely.  I hope to try doing my nails in between and maybe get some reading in today. I also told my niece we would go find some boots because Amazon failed us on our order to get her a pair.  Well I tried to br...

 Kiddo off to school, some school work done, and annoyance because the cats wouldn't let me go back to sleep since 5am. Yep back to normal morning after being sick. Maybe I can get through a journal entry because I could use it!  Back to work today after being off the last 3 days. Boss seemed sympathetic while I was sick. We will see how it goes when I return today. They already had someone in my conference room changing things around. Not to happy about that. Sometimes that girl tries to hard. Call back the people waiting to be called before you spruce up the office. Yeah. Anyways, they didn't even say anything about me being there a year and I would like to know when my 401k and pension shit kicks in. I will be asking HR about that today. It has been a couple weeks since my 1 year anniversary. Hoping the stress of the job isn't what made me sick. I thought I handled it okay while we were super short last week and getting sick came out of no where really. I will chalk it u...

 I really do not feel 100%, but ready to go back to work. If I stay another day in this house I might lose my mind. I have to take the kiddo to a dentist appointment so afterwards back to work. I should probably take that 2nd covid test now that I am coughing. Yeah, better do that before going out into the public again.  10 minutes. Then results will be read. The kiddo is in the shower and we have to leave in a half hour. Making good time. I am supposed to start a weight loss thing for 12 weeks at the Y on Saturday. Hopefully it helps motivate me because right now, I have none. I want to cozy in my bed and do nothing for weeks on end just to feel human again. I do miss my office though so that will be nice. Shit I am supposed to be making chili. got to go.