Friday

 So, waking up today feeling shitty after an issue with husband yesterday. Apparently I need to be a raging lunatic to get my point across and now I sit here like how will I know? How will I know what to go after? How will I know that our time is up? How will I know that this is THE house? How will I know when to move on? 

A house, we both saw popped up for sale around the corner. I thought this could be the time, but open house is 11 to 1 on Saturday and well that is during my husband's flag football game that he is having a hard time getting people to gather for. His own brother won't be there past 11 because well he doesn't want to be and has bigger priorities. My husband though, well he is still stupid to see what those are so I go alone and we figure it out after instead of fucking together. Now, do I go? Is this not the time? Who fucking knows and I am just angry sitting here trying to figure it out. Price range, maybe. Neighborhood, not terrible. 4 bedrooms, yes - yard, yes, front porch, yes, deck, yes, even a pool ... full basement - missing a garage but fuck we could put one up. Ugh this guy just has no ambition. I got the kiddo excited and yet another disappointment because his Dad "isn't ready" or whatever his problem is. So fucking self involved - I hate it. 

Onto the good stuff for today. My favorite band 311 came out with a new album called Full Bloom and that seems fitting. I will listen to that all day and see if it pushes some insight into this life of mine. Apparently dreaming of spiders means a feeling of being trapped and that seems about right. Trapped in this hell hole with no heat for 3 weeks. She does not want us to call someone, but she is about to get a rude awakening because if it gets any colder we will be fucked and the pipes might freeze. 

Hoping the rest of my day gets rid of this feeling, but until I get a new husband - this may be it. 

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