NYE day

 Here we are. Officially the end of the year and the very last day of 2024. All I can think of is as hard as it was, I have a LOT to be thankful for. Gratitude is just filling me and I can't think of the bad stuff. I graduated and got my high school diploma finally. I started & completed my first semester of college! I can't wait for that the next year brings, but I won't change much other than my self doubt. I am living the life I have always wanted. I am in college furthering my education. I have a great husband and amazing kids. My kitty babies are my comfort and soon we will be in a house. An effort and accomplishment I never thought would happen. 

Yesterday, I think the stress got me and a little bit of fear. I yelled at a couple people. A lot of money is going into this that I was not prepared for or do not understand. Still don't, but if this is truly meant to be then it will happen. Just gotta keep going. A little overwhelmed with that thought. I just need to push forward and hope it is for the best. We are soon out of our comfort zone and everyone's nerves are on edge. I think I have reached the grieving point of leaving this apartment. It isn't much, but it kept us safe for all of these years. The hard and good times we have been through shaped us to who we are and moving on is just that. A grieving process. This place is proof that we can do anything as long as we are in it together though. That is what I am taking with me. 

The moments, the holidays, all of the good. I am taking it with me. Knowing we can make the same amazing memories in a place that belongs to us is assuring, but we really did make this home. The wildlife, the fires, the grilling. Every single July 4th. 

Holy fuck the blue jays are noisy right now. - Okay maybe they were trying to tell me that the sun was shining. 

Anyways, and every single New Year's Eve has been spent in this place. With friends some years, but always just us three peas. I don't go out on NYE even when I drank. I always made it a point to be home. So every year we have been here. We have spent it here in this apartment. Planning for our new journey together. Ready to settle in for the winter and just be together. 

All I can hope for now is that the next person has the same family experience we had here. This is where I family was planted and bloomed. We need a bigger pot now to bloom bigger than ever. Uprooting in winter may not be ideal, but I can hope for a mild move with no issues so we can start our journey in our bigger pot. 

Now some other things I am letting go and leaving it in 2024 even though it has been held onto since oh who knows. NYE was one of the moments I let heartbreak handle me for years to come. Then in 2013 into 2014, I decided that I did deserve someone who loves me. Bam. Met Charlie that year. I am leaving that and that person behind. For good. Hopefully with this move, I will make some bonds with the neighbors and no drama. Living next to neighbors that we do not talk to or like is the worst. I do miss my friend or well the friend I thought I had, but I have come to realize it was just a game and I was a pawn. I haven't opened myself up to anyone since then. I plan to change that coming into the new season. 

A lot to think about at the end of this year, but this is the beginning of Winter also and I need to relax when I can and just prepare to be in my new home.