Grit and other different thinking

 So, I have been reading this book and clearly it is making me think which I think is the point because I need grit to get through the damn thing. Interviews with other people, thoughts on others research and calling it research - no actual thoughts on the matter or if there is - well getting to the point is fucking hard. But here I am up early because it was bugging me enough to write about it. So, it must be working. Yes, what are my passions in life, but really it is just making me not really realize but pointing out yet again, I do not think like others. I believe in the universe and trying to follow that flow, but yes hard work has been fueling my success this last year or so and well there is theory in all theories. 

Work is fucking stressful to the point of just politics and playing nice. I do not want to play nice. I want to go in, do my job and only my job, talk with the people who make my day pleasant and fucking leave. I love my bubble and well playing nice with someone who isn't doing their job is just not how I work. I am trying, but common curtesy and no one seeing my point of view or really giving a fuck about it just has me pissed off to a point of not wanting to go sit in a cold ass room for 8 fucking hours. Yes, I know this is probably what ultimately got me scratched from my M&T gig, but if that is what happens here then this is now where I am supposed to be. I believe it is though. Going to work and quietly doing the job of others just shouldn't be a thing. We are two separate offices with two separate teams and even though we go in and do the work in NF, there are two different legal assistants with the same fucking tasks. There is no reason for me to take on more just because the other does not fucking feel like it. I do good work, I have nothing outstanding. I am pleasant on the phones and with clients. I do whatever my team asks of me even when it is not in my description oh wait there isn't one so I can get dumped on whenever someone is not in the mood. Fuck that.

I will go. I will do what is asked, but I will continue to voice about it. If today ends up being a shit show. I will leave. Biding my time until I am done with school. Then who knows. On that note I am doing very well and still keeping up. Small goals for the big goal right?

I bought an $80 book on office management for the paralegal. I hope that helps. I am on a mission to have value even when not in the shit office. 

Full moon indeed. Working into the next 20 years of life - that is a lot to put on a person even if the universe is in charge. 

I will try to ground myself better. Especially with this full moon. I will let the lazy bitch have her way and hopefully she will just quit. Honestly my hopes and yes be careful what you wish for shit, but really. She has one task all day and I am taking on every thing else. The pay upgrade better be worth it especially now that we have to wait until January. The union is a mess and no one wants to say so. Holding out for working from home is stupid. 

Time to think of some things to be grateful for before this foul mood sets. 

I am grateful to have a job with my own private office. I am grateful for the few people that do make my job easier. 

I am thankful to my body who keeps me going and my beautiful mind that is easier to control. 

I am thankful for it being Friday and the EAGLES beat the Commanders. So, Victory Friday is in full force. 

I am proud of myself for getting my school work done and so far all 100% across the board for the first 3 weeks. Next week is the more than half way mark. I am doing this school thing and it is awesome! 

I never imagined myself in a cap and gown and now it will happen on Dec 5th. I am thankful for my husband who supports me in all my craziness. 

I am thankful for healthy kitties and that my kiddo is not slacking as much as his teacher made me think so recently. I am really proud of him too. 

Oh back to the book now - thankful for this time to reflect. 

So, I got to a part in which has been my thinking since I started 40. And that is - grit comes with age not so much age, but maturity. In which it took me a long time to get here and want to actually put in the work for the things I want and now that I have finally done it - it is working. Hard work pays off. End of story. 

Now thinking about what I want to put that hard work into and well I shouldn't stress about the job so much - it is a means to a bigger goal and so I should suffer through it. By golly the fucking book is getting to me. Good. I will keep reading. I am excited for my new book too. Anyways, I am thankful that I have a mind that still works to retain all of this new found information. That is what I am passionate about. Learning. That is actually a constant in my life minus those lost years when it just wasn't in me. But thinking - I love learning. I let outside things distract me from that and now it is here again and I am thriving in it. Maybe someday I will teach. But I have a lot to learn first. 

A law  program at Boces sounds like a good - obtainable - long term goal. We will see but I am putting it out there because schools need more law programs and not the ones that you must me an attorney for just programs for assistants or paralegals and in general knowledge about our justice system. Maybe I will join the bus once I am a paralegal. That would be fun to reach out to the community. 

This is good. I should aim to keep my job so I can keep working towards this. 

It is time to get ready for my day. Glad I typed out some thoughts. This is something I am actually excited about now - a goal other than the house - something big I am work my little circles into. I think I will need to talk with my ladies at the other school more. Yay. I know I am destined to stay in their path or them in mine. Thank you universe. 💓