Are we ready

 Maybe not, but it is nice to think about and I can't stop thinking about my friend's house that is for sale. Wishing she would bring it down a bit as it is not worth as much as they are trying, but in these market days, they could actually get asking. So, brings to question are we ready? Not quite and that bothers the fuck out of me. What if another opportunity presents itself and we aren't ready ... fucking again. This is not the first time it has happened. There was a beautiful green house down the street that would of been perfect and another missed time. Yes, I know things happen in their own due time, but also after the work has been put in and doors will open. Well, we aren't doing it. Mostly him, but some me because at this time I just feel he does not want it as bad as me and it is just making me so mad these days. 

I am currently sick as fuck the last few days. Started on Saturday, but he was determined to go to his friend's party. I should of opted out. Deep down that mother fucker only cares about himself and I am just ... over it. The house is a mess. Yes he made dinner, but made a mess and left it. Oh maybe Shannon will better tomorrow. Well I don't. Little energy I have had I had to fucking clean. Do some school work. Make some food and just sitting here annoyed that we cannot buy this house. I ran a budget of what we bring in and what we pay. Why do we not have enough saved yet? Oh because we just aren't fucking doing it. Yes, groceries are ridiculous and 200 to 300 a week hurts a lot, but really that is the most thing we are spending money on. So, why ? I just don't know anymore and it is making me depressed. This asshole just doesn't want to go for bigger and better. He wants to stay put in this fucking dump and do whatever the fuck he wants. 

The thing that bugs me most is that I can't even talk to him about this shit anymore. I am exhausted or he just isn't into it. The fight in me is gone. I have enough on my plate. So .. yeah. Going to try to rest before these assholes get home, but this is weighing on my mind and I do not know how to not be upset by it. We got an extra 300 bucks this week for some shit he did, but it was quickly spent at a concert which is fine because then I didn't have to pay for it, but just. everything. else. I want to buy a house so bad I can taste it and I do not want to keep having him fight me on this. 

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