Just keep going

 So, feeling some sort of light at the end of this funk. Thank you full moon. Last night was a good night of being outside, gathering with some decent people, listening to a storm from a far and enjoying the beautiful moon. Reminding me to be thankful for the things I have as my life is not bad. 

Looking at my body and seeing how far I have come inside and out. Thankful for that the most. Yes, I could be moving my butt in a workout, but my mental health comes first so back to my basics of what makes me feel better. So, journaling. Music and yes getting back to my workouts will be helpful. So, I need to focus on that. 

Instead of being upset about the retraining bullshit - just need to go with it and remember not to up and leave when pissed off. Lesson learned. No one really cares about you at work, so I am thankful that I have my time to myself there and can get school work done, color, listen to music and overall that I have a decent job close to home to go to. I do need to change my perspective on this bullshit and move on. 

Summer time is limited and I need to enjoy the heat, sunshine, summer rain & storms while it lasts. I am getting out of my shitty ass mood and waking up grateful for everything I have. 

School yes, will take some more time, but I can't give up. I need to stick to my plan and not give up. I CAN do it all and I will. Maybe when I start focusing on myself again, my husband will fucking notice me. Hopefully we can sit down together soon and talk. And fuck. 

And maybe - take it easy on the kiddo. He is doing his best too. Hopefully he will start making better decisions. 

So, today I am up early not laying in bed trying to sleep away this funk. I am up having my coffee. I am going to finish my coffee and enjoy my Friday morning. 

Work then go see my bestie's kiddo play some baseball, go for ice cream and enjoy my weekend. 

All I know is that even though I feel like I am going no where, when I look back - I have come so far. I will not give up on myself this time. Also, coloring helps. True story. 

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