Having a hard time.

 Pre-menopause, PMS, lack of sleep, depression or whatever it is this week. It has been a very hard week mentally and I am down for the count. Yesterday, I might of fucked up a job I do like. Mostly. I walked out. Just wasn't having the office bitch treat me like I do not know what I am doing. I had a sinus or stress headache. Just wasn't my day. Or week. Trying to get out of this funk wondering where the fuck my life needs to be going has been very difficult. Plus with rumors of the office's merging, I wonder how much I will be needed. Plus school work, plus a busy fucking after work schedule. I have had my fill. So, as my husband prepares for a garage sale because he can't just hang out at home & relax, I am sitting here trying to figure it out. After another disappointment with him. 

He has been up since 7 - two hours - knew we needed creamer and did not get any for coffee. Also, instead of going to get creamer, he wanted to go buy coffee ... we would still need fucking creamer. That is just how it has been with him lately. Selfish. Thursday I asked him to wait 15 extra minutes which turned out not to be needed for two reasons, but when asked if he could wait so I could go to Zumba and his game ... He did not want to. Made me feel pretty shitty because I fucking arrange my shit all of the time for his. So, not a priority anymore. He ended up getting canceled and the class wasn't a hour long sooo, yeah. New moon or whatever. 

So, this seems to be a monthly thing for me. I think it is time to talk to someone about it. On Monday, I am going to find a gyno and see if it is perimenopause. I do not like the foul mood I have been in or constant want to scream, cry, or crawl back into bed at full force. 

I hope some people take this junk he is putting out. Or that he bags it up and takes it to a thrift shop if not. Sounds like he is inside and people are outside so, maybe they will just take it. 

We let the kiddo have his phone for a little bit yesterday. Hoping to make him behave in these weeks coming for studying for exams and taking them. We will see. 

I need to do some work to get this lesson done, so that is my plan today. Other than asking the universe for some guidance and hoping I still have a job. 


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