Trip Anxiety

 After a rough day with getting things done for my son's pre birthday celebration, pms and just plain tiredness - my anxiety seems to be at a high. Up early as balls for some quiet time before I have a day of my husband being a dumbass, my son having an attitude and just plain hoping today goes better with plans. We leave for Syracuse for the weekend here in a few hours. I think most of the stress is coming from the cash flow. Yes, I put money away into savings, but after a $200 dinner, we might come up strapped a little and it is stressing me out. Bills are paid though so we will survive. I do think that cash I have hidden might be needed at some point this week, but we will see. My goal of $5k before the end of June is on track now that we are at $3k. Gotta remember the important stuff is taken care of and we will have a fun time. 

I probably didn't need to order the kiddo a cake, but oh well. He seems to be having a good time so far with the start of his bday weekend and I told him that our day off can be cashed out or we can do things. We will see, I might just do it all. My husband has been pissing me off with his usual bullshit. Only this time, it is getting worse. He has actually been a shitty person not just a fucking dumbass. Hopefully I can take it down a notch though because I made Ryan feel really bad yesterday and I still feel bad about that. Same bullshit, different say with that guy. Maybe this will be the year we actually drift apart and I can stop carrying him because forcing him to be the man I need him to be is exhausting. He is so fucking self evolved that it really just pisses me off to the core now. If my kiddo wouldn't want me around so bad this weekend, I would stay home. Plus we got the cool Air B&B. 

Like other than the fucking mowing the lawn thing when we were supposed to head out right after work. Jesus I just want to know what goes on in this dude's mind sometimes. Says he only had time to do it right then. Like no the fuck not. You had all fucking week and chose the moment before our dinner plans. Then we didn't make a reservation so that was my fault and we had to wait an hour. Luckily it wasn't a full hour, but still. He is something else. Than as usual we get home he is too tired to function as a person anymore - I had to take care of the ant's and a spider and well just for fuck again if I am the only one maintaining every fucking thing in this house then why the fuck is he around? WHY? He won't fucking leave so if I didn't want to do this anymore all of my hard earned shit into this place will need to go elsewhere. Even though he has a perfectly fine place to stay at his mother's. So, yeah. That is what that cash flow is really for. Probably break it in half and keep the other better hidden. We have like 500 bucks and need like 100 or so just for the bowling fees. Then he wants to pay for his kid's shit which - I might need to say no to or he will need to figure it out. We got into again about Jr Gold's and him wanting to stay more days when no matter how many times it has been discussed, he thinks we can afford it. Putting or money together seems to make him think he has more to spend and it is just pissing me off. So, yeah trying to get rid of this ugliness before everyone wakes up so we can have a good, fun trip. 

It will be a nice time away. Just for one night, so I do not have to worry about my baby kitties. 

I need to focus on this new moon and manifesting my future. A better husband. Ha.