Headache

 The tension in my neck is causing a headache and this bright ass screen is not helping. Debated calling in as I am only in for a half day anyways, but realized the last time I did was of course my time of the month and around the same time. I think I can make it a few hours. Now school work with a headache - not so sure. Was supposed to have a Zoom meeting. 

Honestly not feeling very motivated for this school thing anymore. Worked my ass off for a month later to tell me I did some things wrong and in order to pass, it needs to be exactly how they want it. No leeway. Which is dumb. Then she doesn't put notes in, like yes if I got everything almost right but one capital letter, yes I want to fucking know. Who wouldn't? Also, why would you think someone would want to keep doing it over and over not knowing? Ugh. Yes, so this is hard. Trying not to completely give up, but definitely thinking school isn't on my road to whatever. 

I have been off my groove and trying to think about which path to get back on and honestly health & wellness is what is at the top. I want to be an active, fit person. That is number one. Fighting my mind demons and trying to stay healthy & fit. Work and progressing in this new job is 2nd. Yes, I know I need the schooling to do that, but also my position is pretty good and now I am thinking about being on the negotiation team to represent the other admin/legal assistants. 

Putting a little of me everywhere is not working. Something has to give. Maybe it will be that negotiations team, but still. I want to stay on my fit path. I like it here. I need to be able to push myself there, out of my comfort zones, which I will be going to some classes this week so that should help. 

Work should be okay and slow enough so I can do this school shit. I need to suck it up and get it done. I got side tracked with nicer weather. Another cloudy day, but it should go from 39 degrees to 70 something today. So, that is promising. 

Some guys are coming to install this new internet and so that is why half of my day will be working from home. Now hoping they do not show up during my school Zoom meeting. 

I always get so nervous with people coming into our humble apartment. 

At least it is mostly clean and I can move the dirty laundry to my room for now. So, even if I did stay home all day, I would end up not laying down with this headache and just cleaning. 

My husband is fully involved with himself again, so it is a nice reminder to get back on myself again. 

My friend who wanted the bestie tattoos - finally said something after a month - invited us to their Eclipse get together - the day before - and then mentioned talking about the tattoo. I decided I am not responding. I don't even give a fuck anymore. "Our friendship is stronger than that" um mam we do not have one. We don't talk, we don't hang out, you don't make time to even respond until a month later. It is fine, I am not mad, but I am definitely over it. 

So, far Ryan has been getting ready without bitching so that is a good morning for me. I did tell him I would drive him today. The rest of the week though, if there is no rain he can walk. 

I better take something for my head. Get ready for work, work until 1230 then come home and wait for these internet people from 1230 to 430 - Zoom at 2pm with the teacher and then go for a nice long walk. Headphones in. 

We do not have a lot going on this month and I am thankful for that. After that we have a 13th birthday, weekend tournament right before that birthday, a graduation, maybe some planning on that but who knows, probably something there my hubby is hiding as he always does and does not want me bringing it up. 

Oh but this week, definitely need to finish our fucking taxes. That is going to suck because this huge chunk we have save is about to get some damage. It is okay though because we are still 1/4 of the way there. Even though we will probably need double and have a long way to go for a fucking house in this economy. 

2017 - I saw something about this being the timeline we are headed back to for those lessons or whatever. That was not the best time with my hubby. I was drinking a lot because we just were not syncing. A little worried, but honestly if our time is up, I just hope it can fade out so we get along. For Ryan's sake. But if more of his secrets come up that have to do with his ex wife then well again - I just hope it fades out. But I think we are in a good place. I mean I am kind of bored with it and he is just there now, but it is nice to have someone there to wake up to and well the rest should just fit. Right? I still have no one to have a decent conversation with, but hey that is what journaling is for. 

Today. Brining it back to today. Work, School meeting, internet people and a nice long walk on this beautiful day. I am thinking Lewiston if the internet people get here at a decent time. Or just a nice walk on the track with my headphones. That would be nice too. 

Whatever I decide, it will be to enjoy the beautiful evening ahead. Which reminds me to marinade the flank steaks.