That Tuesday feeling

 Today will probably feel more like a Monday, but I am in a better mood. Also, I am completely ignoring the fact that I had yet another jabbing pain in my side last night that brought me to tears. Okay, not ignoring it, but not sure who I need to call. Back pain from period is causing it, that I am pretty sure. Then again, this is all new and I have no fucking idea. So yeah I am a bit worried. I will make a call. After my period is over. 

Hair appointment is going to get pushed because well if is it not getting colored then another treatment can wait. So, yeah I need to make sure I make that call. Still debating now, I really want some color sooner than later. 

Today should be a beautiful day after this cold morning. I slept like shit so tonight's plan is to just go to bed early. My period is kicking my ass. Work ended up in our downtown Buffalo office yesterday. De-escalation training. Meh I will do my best, but I am old enough to know that if someone can't control themselves in a setting where people are trying to help them, then there probably isn't much you can do. 

The new pants and work clothes gave me some new upbeat attitude so now I want to keep updating my wardrobe. It is time. Charlie is making sure that no matter what we spend on other shit, he is still taking his "allowance" so should I. 

Also, I do not think we are puzzle people. Especially with it getting nice out. So, I am going to have more room in my living room when I put that away for winter or something. There is a Yoga class tonight at the place where I do Zumba, but even though I would like to go, I am not. On principal. I pay for the Y. I need to go to the Y. No more extra classes - even Zumba. They will be doing their free park shit anyways so this may be a way to advertise for that. I am not going to pay for additional classes even if I like them. Plus I do not feel like I need to advertise for a place that completely ignored my bowling jersey order and couldn't even tell me they wouldn't do the smaller order. So, there's that. I am moving on and getting back into my focus. On me, my family and our health & wellness - outside. It will be warm the next few days so I can walk the track - then I can come home to eat some pasta and go to sleep. That is my plan today. 

Getting this child out of a shower is the worst, but at least he takes them. He is to walk today and I have to get him out of the door. Then I am going to find something decent to wear, do my hair and hope my day at work goes fast. 

I almost decided on another concert and remembered - no more concerts unless it is an absolute must. I have seen 311 enough and the other bands I am not 100% on board so after kiddo made a comment, yep decided that I will not go see them. Just this concert in August. even if hubby has no fucking restraint, I will. 

My mind was racing yesterday of all the things I wish I didn't say and just the built up anxiety of being in the other office around other people. Reliving the shooting and thinking - nope I would not have tried to de-escalate that and I am glad that Charlie did not. I am thankful that him holding the door didn't set the kid off and he made it back to me safe. 

So, yeah thankful. Trying to take some things into consideration and treat him nicer. I can't really shake these cheating feelings off and I think this is past trauma surfacing because he is doing other things without me. I need to stop thinking the worst on that. I trust him, but I also do not trust him to tell me if he wants out. Marriage doesn't last anymore with people still being in love and I am not sure how I feel about that. I just want us to work forever and be happy doing it. It is getting warm and our priorities are getting muffled. We were supposed to sit down and plan a trip for Syracuse because the boys are bowling all weekend. He is being bitter about his kid just not wanting anything to do with him so he is being stubborn about seeing him. I can't even tell you what the dates for that are. So, yeah need to figure that out with him later. I told my kiddo when I got his child support I will take him for some new clothes. Maybe he can wait until this weekend. 

Fucking kid watching tiktok not even leaving for school. Tomorrow I should make him wake himself up too. Good grief! 

Welp took a minute to get dressed for work and do something with my hair. I really need some hair products. I actually did it nicely - for now. I can see that maybe one more treatment is needed and then maybe buying something to do at home. I have some nice products in my Amazon cart. Time to order teehee. 

I still have 30 mins until I need to leave well 20 - Not sure I am feeling this skirt. I might need to put on some pants. I have to wear my smaller pads though and it feels secure in these stockings so ... The joys of being a woman. 

Two more stories to do and then I will chose one to answer questions on. Not sure I feel comfortable with ay of them, but I will do my best. I can do this. I need to do this. 

I think I need to wash my face and jam some music. That is a good start to the day.