10min blog

 If I do the things I am supposed to today this is all I should have time for. I am cramped up, bleeding profusely, and well at least I look good. I am wearing my new pants and of course my Steve Jobs sweater. Another winter day here in WNY. Scraped ice off my windshield to take the kiddo who guilt tripped me into taking him. It wasn't much as it is like 20 degrees. I strongly debated calling in. Going into the office isn't for the weak. Weak is me. I miss rolling out of bed not having to dress and getting shit done. I am just thankful that we are not that busy and I will just go with it so I can get some schoolwork done. 

Thinking about my hubby this week and how it will be hard for him. Reliving the moments of his father's death. If it is impacting me, I usually just times that by a million to figure out where his head is. 5 years this year. Still does not seem that far. I think it impacts me hard for a few reasons. One, my grandpa passed a month before well not even. So, was dealing with the guilt and grief of not being in Tx at that time. Then big Charlie went without a warning. In fact much like my Memaw. We thought he was going to be coming home and then he went into a coma. Rough for all, but the day he decided to go - we thought we had time to sign the boys up for something they did not even want to do. Flag Football. I know Charlie holds that grudge and I get upset with myself because I wasn't the best person that day and talked him into leaving. Even though I am pretty sure if he were there watching his dad die and unable to do anything, would of hurt him more. It is a lot to take in especially when so much was unsaid before they go. 

Welp that is a lot to unfold in 10 minutes. Now I get to go to work. My goal this week is just to be there for Charlie and help him through this. Praying that he does not go into his dark hole for long. Death sucks and hopefully this year I can go without it even though something happened to our neighbor and well his son is still being a dick even though he is the liar so no idea how bad it is. Proud of myself for not being extremely nosey though. I think I learned my lesson after Dan. 

I am going to make this a good Monday. 

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